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Alma Gill
By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

 

My Husband Holds Grudges

Dear Alma,

My husband cannot let things go – he holds grudges for way longer than the offense is worth. He brings up things that happened months/years ago to remind me of what he says are my faults. It’s not just me; he gives his sister grief for dropping him when he was one and she was three. Aside from pointing out that he’s being ridiculous when he gets going on some old grudge, do you have any suggestions on how I can make him stop?

Name withheld

 

Dear Nameless One,

News flash: You can’t change another person’s personality. Your husband didn’t start this yesterday. He was doing it before you married him. You heard him during the courtship and thought it wasn’t so bad. You married him anyway, thinking, “Aww, I can handle it.” It wasn’t cute then, and it’s not cute now. So, follow through on the decision you made when you said your vows (for better or worse) and live with it. It’s a part of his personality, and he ain’t gonna change. Nobody’s perfect, and if he’s been doing this with his family, it’s really just a continuation of who he truly is.

Your question should be: How do I live with it? Well, remind yourself of when it didn’t bother you so much early in the relationship. Funny how things switch after many years of marriage. What wuz cute is about to get on your last nerve. All of you longtime married folks know what I’m talking about. LOL. Anyway, back to my suggestion: When he gets going, leave him in his space. Meditate on things about him that make you happy. I’m sure he has many other qualities that you admire. That’s why he’s your husband. I can understand if this isn’t the answer you were looking for, but it will keep you guys united as one for many years to come. Your or my answer can’t change your husband. That Sweetie is an act only he can control.

Alma

 

Operating on a Tight Budget

Dear Alma,

My husband was laid off and I’m only working part time, so we’re having a hard time paying our bills and making ends meet. We hardly have enough money to pay the rent, and every day we worry about how we can make it. When my grandmother died, she left me some of her valuables – a beautiful ornate mirror, fine china and some jewelry. My husband told me to sell some of the jewelry so that we could get some money. I don’t want to do that, but I know we need to pay our bills. What do you think?

Name withheld
Awww, sweetie, I’m sorry. I know this is a difficult time for you and your husband. You didn’t mention any kids, so I assume it’s just the two of you. I think you guys should exhaust all of your resources and make selling your grandmother’s heirlooms the very last (about to be evicted) resort. Once it’s gone, you can’t get it back. The decision to sell something so precious should be your individual decision, not a joint one. She was your grandmother, so you have a ton of love invested in her memory. It’s really not his place to suggest you cut those ties that bind.

I’m sure, given the right amount of thought and sacrifice, you two can come up with other options. I’d suggest, if you haven’t already, putting yourselves on a super-duper strict budget. I’m talking about the oatmeal, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, ramen noodles every night budget! Vegetables will become a luxury and replace your meat options. You should also take a look at what I call your “side bills” and see what you can live without. Side bills are things like cable, wi-fi, cell phones and gym memberships. Cut back on gas, which can be expensive. Try walking places or taking the bus. Maybe you can work full-time until your husband finds a job.

Keep your head up. Things will get better; it won’t be like this forever.

Alma

 

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

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Activism

Oakland Post Endorses Barbara Lee

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

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Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo, Office of Rep. Barbara Lee.
Former Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo.

As we end the celebration of Women’s History Month in Oakland, we endorse Barbara Lee, a woman of demonstrated historical significance. In our opinion, she has the best chance of uniting the city and achieving our needs for affordable housing, public safety, and fiscal accountability.

As a former small business owner, Barbara Lee understands how to apply tools needed to revitalize Oakland’s downtown, uptown, and neighborhood businesses.

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

It is notable that many of those who fought politically on both sides of the recent recall election battles have now laid down their weapons and become brothers and sisters in support of Barbara Lee. The Oakland Post is pleased to join them.

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Activism

Actor, Philanthropist Blair Underwood Visits Bay Area, Kicks Off Literacy Program in ‘New Oakland’ Initiative

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

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Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.
Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.

By Paul Cobb
New Oakland Series
Opinion Part 3

The Post mentioned three weeks ago that a number of our local luminaries were coming together to support the “New Oakland” movement. As this current national administration continues to eliminate our “legacy” institutional policies and programs left and right, most communities find themselves beyond “frozen” in fear.

Well, esteemed actor, long-time Bay Area supporter, and philanthropist Blair Underwood returned to Oakland this week to speak with city leaders, community trust agents, students, the Oakland Post, and local celebrities alike to continue his “New Oakland” initiative.

This week, he kicked off his “Guess Who’s Coming to Read” literacy program in some of Oakland’s middle schools. Clifford Ray, who played the center position of the 1975 World Champion Golden State Warriors, donated close to 1,000 books. Ray’s fellow teammate Charles “The Hopper” Dudley also gave Converse sneakers to students.

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

Underwood also spent quality time with the Oakland Ballers ownership group and visited the amazing Raimondi Park West Oakland community revitalization site. In the 1996 TV film Soul of the Game, Underwood played the role of the legendary first Black Major League Baseball player Jackie Robinson and commended the Ballers owners.

“This group of sports enthusiasts/ philanthropists needs to be applauded for their human capital investment and their financial capital investment,” Underwood said. “Truly putting their money and passion to work,” Underwood said.

Underwood was also inspired by mayoral candidate Barbara Lee’s open-minded invitation to bring public-private partnership opportunities to Oakland.

Underwood said he wants to “reinforce the importance of ‘collaborative activism’ among those most marginalized by non-empathic leadership. We must ‘act out’ our discomfort with passionate intentions to create healthy change.”

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Activism

Councilmembers Ramachandran, Kaplan, Unger Identify Funds to Save Oakland Fire Stations

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

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Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.
Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.

By Janani Ramachandran

There is no greater concern to the people of Oakland today than public safety. Fire stations are the bread and butter of essential city services – and every day that we have stations shuttered, we imperil the lives of our community members. In response to widespread outcry over the current and planned closure of stations, myself, along with Councilmembers Kaplan and Unger, have painstakingly worked to identify millions of dollars of new funding to save our stations. The legislation we introduced on Thursday, February 13th, will amend our budget to prevent the closure of four fire stations that are currently on the chopping block due to our budget crisis and will re-open two closed stations that have already been closed – Station 25 and 28 – in the near future. The resolution that will provide the funding to keep our stations open will go before the full City Council for a vote at our meeting on Tuesday, March 4th at 3:30 PM – and we invite you to join us at City Hall to share your perspective on the topic.

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

With the devastating Los Angeles fire at the top of people’s minds, terrible memories of Oakland’s own wildfires are re-surfacing from the 1991 Oakland Hills Firestorm to the Keller fire just a few months ago – and how essential fire stations are to mitigating these catastrophes. But in Oakland, our fire stations don’t just fight wildfires – they also provide emergency medical services to our most vulnerable constituents, put out structural fires and encampment fires, and much more.

We recognize that there are a number of competing interests and important initiatives fighting for sparse City resources. But from my perspective, core safety services are the most pivotal functions that a City must spend its resources on – especially given the outcry we have heard around fire stations.

The fight to save our stations is not over. The resolution we introduced is a critical first step, and there are hurdles to overcome. If you support keeping our fire stations open, we invite you to be a part of the solution by making your voice heard at the March 4th City Council meeting at 3:30 pm.

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