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Alma Gill

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

 

Unwanted Photos of my Ex-Husband 

I recently decided to digitize my old photos and ran across a ton of family pictures of my first husband as a baby and while he was growing up, along with his family. We had a short marriage and divorced after only two years. My first husband and I didn’t have any children together, so I haven’t been in contact with him over the years. I wasn’t very close to his family, either. When we came home from college together, I didn’t pass the paper bag test (if you know what I mean) but that’s another question for another day.

During our marriage, I never quite measured up when it came to his mother and she let me know it at every opportunity she could. He was the only son and truly devoted to his parents.  I’m very happily remarried now and have been for over 20 years. I’m not sure if he’s remarried and I don’t really have any interest in contacting him. Sometimes people can misread your intentions and I don’t want this to be the case. But what I do want to do is forward this box of pictures to his parents. I’ve checked and confirmed their home address. My plan is to send the box without a return address, so that way they won’t feel obligated to get in touch with me. But if I do, they might not even know where the box came from. I definitely don’t want to throw them away. I know it would be a wonderful surprise for them to receive them. What do you think Alma, how can I return these photographs incognito?  

Name withheld

 

Take a step back, Detective Benson, I think you’ve added more Law & Order than what’s necessary to complete this pursuit.  Don’t get it twisted on your end. This is a very thoughtful act on your part and that’s all it is. Just let that be. Without rereading the entire map of your first marriage misfortunes, I’d venture to say you have legitimate reasons for anticipating the worst of the worst and, you could be right. But you also could be wrong. You said you’ve gone on with your life. You’re happily remarried, totally and unequivocally uninterested in line dancing with your ex-husband’s family foolishness. Ok, I get it. But I think you’re moving way ahead of yourself here. We’re talking returning old pictures. You aren’t inviting them to attend your granddaughter’s graduation celebration.

It’s not what you have in your hand but what you have in your heart that lays the groundwork for this task of thoughtfulness. I applaud you for not holding a grudge towards your ex-husband and his family. If you’ve got the right attitude and you’re sending the pictures with the best of intentions, there’s no need to expect discord, disharmony or discontent.

Yes, absolutely add a note that says: Hello, I recently ran across these photographs and just knew I had to return them to your family. All the best blessings to you and yours.  Signed, you.

There’s no room or need for a suggestion of follow up in those words. Once you’ve sent the pictures, it out of your hands. You can’t control their reaction, you can only control your response.  So stop worrying about it. If they follow up with foolishness – as they say in Brooklyn, just FagetAboutIt!

Although I’ve gotta say, I don’t think they will. Time has passed, wounds have healed, and old ways have changed. Send the box, with the note, I can tell your heart is in the right place. By the way, I don’t think the post office will let you send letters or packages without a return address. But I am certain that you can come up withsomeone’s return address.

 

All the best of blessings to you and yours.

Signed, Alma

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

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Oakland Post Endorses Barbara Lee

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

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Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo, Office of Rep. Barbara Lee.
Former Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo.

As we end the celebration of Women’s History Month in Oakland, we endorse Barbara Lee, a woman of demonstrated historical significance. In our opinion, she has the best chance of uniting the city and achieving our needs for affordable housing, public safety, and fiscal accountability.

As a former small business owner, Barbara Lee understands how to apply tools needed to revitalize Oakland’s downtown, uptown, and neighborhood businesses.

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

It is notable that many of those who fought politically on both sides of the recent recall election battles have now laid down their weapons and become brothers and sisters in support of Barbara Lee. The Oakland Post is pleased to join them.

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Actor, Philanthropist Blair Underwood Visits Bay Area, Kicks Off Literacy Program in ‘New Oakland’ Initiative

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

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Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.
Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.

By Paul Cobb
New Oakland Series
Opinion Part 3

The Post mentioned three weeks ago that a number of our local luminaries were coming together to support the “New Oakland” movement. As this current national administration continues to eliminate our “legacy” institutional policies and programs left and right, most communities find themselves beyond “frozen” in fear.

Well, esteemed actor, long-time Bay Area supporter, and philanthropist Blair Underwood returned to Oakland this week to speak with city leaders, community trust agents, students, the Oakland Post, and local celebrities alike to continue his “New Oakland” initiative.

This week, he kicked off his “Guess Who’s Coming to Read” literacy program in some of Oakland’s middle schools. Clifford Ray, who played the center position of the 1975 World Champion Golden State Warriors, donated close to 1,000 books. Ray’s fellow teammate Charles “The Hopper” Dudley also gave Converse sneakers to students.

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

Underwood also spent quality time with the Oakland Ballers ownership group and visited the amazing Raimondi Park West Oakland community revitalization site. In the 1996 TV film Soul of the Game, Underwood played the role of the legendary first Black Major League Baseball player Jackie Robinson and commended the Ballers owners.

“This group of sports enthusiasts/ philanthropists needs to be applauded for their human capital investment and their financial capital investment,” Underwood said. “Truly putting their money and passion to work,” Underwood said.

Underwood was also inspired by mayoral candidate Barbara Lee’s open-minded invitation to bring public-private partnership opportunities to Oakland.

Underwood said he wants to “reinforce the importance of ‘collaborative activism’ among those most marginalized by non-empathic leadership. We must ‘act out’ our discomfort with passionate intentions to create healthy change.”

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Councilmembers Ramachandran, Kaplan, Unger Identify Funds to Save Oakland Fire Stations

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

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Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.
Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.

By Janani Ramachandran

There is no greater concern to the people of Oakland today than public safety. Fire stations are the bread and butter of essential city services – and every day that we have stations shuttered, we imperil the lives of our community members. In response to widespread outcry over the current and planned closure of stations, myself, along with Councilmembers Kaplan and Unger, have painstakingly worked to identify millions of dollars of new funding to save our stations. The legislation we introduced on Thursday, February 13th, will amend our budget to prevent the closure of four fire stations that are currently on the chopping block due to our budget crisis and will re-open two closed stations that have already been closed – Station 25 and 28 – in the near future. The resolution that will provide the funding to keep our stations open will go before the full City Council for a vote at our meeting on Tuesday, March 4th at 3:30 PM – and we invite you to join us at City Hall to share your perspective on the topic.

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

With the devastating Los Angeles fire at the top of people’s minds, terrible memories of Oakland’s own wildfires are re-surfacing from the 1991 Oakland Hills Firestorm to the Keller fire just a few months ago – and how essential fire stations are to mitigating these catastrophes. But in Oakland, our fire stations don’t just fight wildfires – they also provide emergency medical services to our most vulnerable constituents, put out structural fires and encampment fires, and much more.

We recognize that there are a number of competing interests and important initiatives fighting for sparse City resources. But from my perspective, core safety services are the most pivotal functions that a City must spend its resources on – especially given the outcry we have heard around fire stations.

The fight to save our stations is not over. The resolution we introduced is a critical first step, and there are hurdles to overcome. If you support keeping our fire stations open, we invite you to be a part of the solution by making your voice heard at the March 4th City Council meeting at 3:30 pm.

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