Arts and Culture

Self-Love: The Greatest Love of All

Published

6 years ago

February 6, 2019

Sandra H. Smith, Ph.D. Psychological Consultant and ABPsi Bay Area Chapter Member

February is a powerful month in the African-American psyche. It is Black History Month, and it includes Valentine’s Day. This is a time when we could focus both on loving and respecting ourselves and loving and appreciating our ancestry. We are a resilient people who have survived and thrived despite all efforts to extinguish us. There are forces at work which seek to degrade, humiliate and destroy us—and still, we persevere.

As Black psychologists, we are charged with helping our people achieve optimal mental health and wellness. How do we do that in a society wherein the powers that be have strategized to maintain their supremacy and our powerlessness? We must develop a love so strong that it cannot be overtaken by the opinions of those who would seek to defeat us.

During this month, we honor both our ancestors and those who are living who help to instill in us a sense of pride of being.

There are many notables who do this for us. Traditionally, we have honored Harriet Tubman, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Malcolm X and so many others. Today, we look to President Obama, his Queen Michelle, Congressperson Barbara Lee and countless others. On a more personal level, our mothers, fathers, grandparents, and our children model for us and give us reasons for being.

As Black psychologists, we care for the individual, the family, and the community. We do not need to follow traditions born of the dominant culture in order to cultivate our mental health. We must conceptualize our understandings of our mental health needs through principles that are steeped in our roots.

In ancient African beliefs, we come to love ourselves through our love of spirit, of other people, and of nature. Oshun, the Yoruba goddess of love, is proud of how we honor her by honoring one another. In African-Centered/Black Psychology and Spirituality, self is not defined as separate and individualized, but as an extension into others. We are part of the collective; we are interdependent and inescapably connected to each other.

Self-love is the love of being connected to and interlaced with the best in one another. Black self-love is an act of liberation from the hostile and negative influences of the culture in which we live. We express it through our art, music, dance, song, creativity, and storytelling. Historically, our music, dance, and songs have served as tools to remind us of what it means to be alive, to be spiritually aligned, and mentally well.

A demonstration is our beloved ancestor Whitney Houston’s anthem “The Greatest Love of All.” The lyrics of this classic rhythm and blues song are an expression of the importance of self-love:

“I believe the children are our future

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Show them all the beauty they possess inside

Give them a sense of pride to make it easier

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone’s shadow

If I fail, if I succeed at least I lived as I believe.

No matter what they take from me, they can’t take away my dignity

Because the greatest love of all is happening to me

I found the greatest love of all inside of me

Learning to love yourself…It is the greatest love of all.”

The singing, chanting, and understanding of this classic song reminds us that no one and no thing outside of ourselves can validate our worth. This is an inside job.

In America, we live in a culture that does not support our humanity, much less our self-worth. We have learned to cope in this society by relying on our deep inner sense of knowing and our willingness to express ourselves.

To be healthy, it is important that we remember that we are valuable and worthy of love, because we exist. Ancient African wisdom teaches us that we are spiritual people. We can decide to live a more joyful and Oshun-filled life by harnessing our spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional energies to assist us. There are everyday things, beyond Black History Month, that we can do for ourselves and our loved ones to support our understanding and knowing that we are worthy of love. Below you will find some strategies to support you.

Face each day with an attitude of gratitude. Focus on the good in you and in your life. Forgive your imperfections. Don’t give irrational ideas power. Example: “No one will ever love me.” Shift your attitude and self-talk. “I really love how well I get along with people.” Accept and appreciate yourself. Be gentle with your criticism. Assert yourself. Avoid taking on the burdens of others. Care, but do not carry. Embrace change. Cultivate a sense of mastery and control by setting goals and by working to attain them. Manage your time effectively. Take time to nurture yourself.

Engage in deep breathing. The single most relaxing thing you can do is deep relaxation. Visualize yourself in a peaceful place. Acupuncture and acupressure are helpful. Eat healthy foods. Exercise regularly and have a massage. Develop and use support systems: family, friends, coworkers. Give to others. It broadens your view and shifts your focus. Use support groups when facing challenging situations. Commune with the Universal Spirit with prayer and meditation. Live your higher beliefs. Connect with people who share your beliefs. Read inspirational materials. Worship with your spiritual (religious) systems.

During this month of love and remembrance, know that we are healthiest when we have a loving, giving spirit that connects similar spirits. Walk through life celebrating that our love of self through others is the Greatest Love of All.

This article is dedicated to the ambassador of Black love: Dr. Lige Dailey, Jr.

*The Association of Black Psychologists, Bay Area Chapter (ABPsi-Bay Area) is committed to providing the Post Newspaper readership with monthly discussions about critical issues in Black Mental Health. The ABPsi-Bay Area is a healing resource. We can be contacted at (bayareaabpsi@gmail.com) and readers are welcome to join with us at our monthly chapter and board meeting, every third Saturday at the West Oakland Youth Center from 10 a.m. – 12 noon.

Sandra H. Smith, Ph.D. Psychological Consultant and ABPsi Bay Area Chapter Member

Posts by Sandra H. Smith, Ph.D. Psychological Consultant and ABPsi Bay Area Chapter Member

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Arts and Culture

BOOK REVIEW: Love, Rita: An American Story of Sisterhood, Joy, Loss, and Legacy

When Bridgett M. Davis was in college, her sister Rita was diagnosed with lupus, a disease of the immune system that often left her constantly tired and sore. Davis was a bit unfazed, but sympathetic to Rita’s suffering and also annoyed that the disease sometimes came between them. By that time, they needed one another more than ever.

Published

19 hours ago

April 28, 2025

Oakland Post

Love Rita Book Cover. Courtesy of Harper.

By Terri Schlichenmeyer

Author: Bridgett M. Davis, c.2025, Harper, $29.99, 367 Pages

Take care.

Do it because you want to stay well, upright, and away from illness. Eat right, swallow your vitamins and hydrate, keep good habits and hygiene, and cross your fingers. Take care as much as you can because, as in the new book, “Love, Rita” by Bridgett M. Davis, your well-being is sometimes out of your hands.

It was a family story told often: when Davis was born, her sister, Rita, then four years old, stormed up to her crying newborn sibling and said, ‘Shut your … mouth!’

Rita, says Davis, didn’t want a little sister then. She already had two big sisters and a neighbor who was somewhat of a “sister,” and this baby was an irritation. As Davis grew, the feeling was mutual, although she always knew that Rita loved her.

Over the years, the sisters tried many times not to fight — on their own and at the urging of their mother — and though division was ever present, it eased when Rita went to college. Davis was still in high school then, and she admired her big sister.

She eagerly devoured frequent letters sent to her in the mail, signed, “Love, Rita.”

When Davis was in college herself, Rita was diagnosed with lupus, a disease of the immune system that often left her constantly tired and sore. Davis was a bit unfazed, but sympathetic to Rita’s suffering and also annoyed that the disease sometimes came between them. By that time, they needed one another more than ever.

First, they lost their father. Drugs then invaded the family and addiction stole two siblings. A sister and a young nephew were murdered in a domestic violence incident. Their mother was devastated; Rita’s lupus was an “added weight of her sorrow.”

After their mother died of colon cancer, Rita’s lupus took a turn for the worse.

“Did she even stand a chance?” Davis wrote in her journal.

“It just didn’t seem possible that she, someone so full of life, could die.”

Let’s start here: once you get past the prologue in “Love, Rita,” you may lose interest. Maybe.

Most of the stories that author Bridgett M. Davis shares are mildly interesting, nothing rare, mostly commonplace tales of growing up in the 1960s and ’70s with a sibling. There are a lot of these kinds of stories, and they tend to generally melt together. After about fifty pages of them, you might start to think about putting the book aside.

But don’t. Not quite yet.

In between those everyday tales, Davis occasionally writes about being an ailing Black woman in America, the incorrect assumptions made by doctors, the history of medical treatment for Black people (women in particular), attitudes, and mythologies. Those passages are now and then, interspersed, but worth scanning for.

This book is perhaps best for anyone with the patience for a slow-paced memoir, or anyone who loves a Black woman who’s ill or might be ill someday. If that’s you and you can read between the lines, then “Love, Rita” is a book to take in carefully.

Oakland Post

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Activism

Faces Around the Bay: Author Karen Lewis Took the ‘Detour to Straight Street’

“My life has been a roller-coaster with an unlimited ride wristband! I was raised in Berkeley during the time of Ron Dellums, the Black Panthers, and People’s Park. I was a Hippie kid, my Auntie cut off all our hair so we could wear the natural styles like her and Angela Davis.

Published

19 hours ago

April 28, 2025

Oakland Post

Karen Lewis. Courtesy photo.

By Barbara Fluhrer

I met Karen Lewis on a park bench in Berkeley. She wrote her story on the spot.

I got married young, then ended up getting divorced, raising two boys into men. After my divorce, I had a stroke that left me blind and paralyzed. I was homeless, lost in a fog with blurred vision.

Jesus healed me! I now have two beautiful grandkids. At 61, this age and this stage, I am finally free indeed. Our Lord Jesus Christ saved my soul. I now know how to be still. I lay at his feet. I surrender and just rest. My life and every step on my path have already been ordered. So, I have learned in this life…it’s nice to be nice. No stressing, just blessings. Pray for the best and deal with the rest.

Nobody is perfect, so forgive quickly and love easily!”

Lewis’ book “Detour to Straight Street” is available on Amazon.

Oakland Post

Posts by Oakland Post

Activism

Golden State Warriors Program Is Inspiring Next Generation of Female Engineers

Breaking down barriers and biases that deter young girls from pursuing STEAM subjects is essential for creating a level playing field and ensuring equal opportunities for all. By challenging stereotypes and promoting a culture of inclusivity and diversity in STEAM fields, experts believe young girls can be empowered to pursue their interests and aspirations without limitations confidently. Encouraging mentorship, providing access to resources, and celebrating girls’ achievements in STEAM are all crucial steps in creating a supportive environment that fosters success.

Published

1 month ago

March 23, 2025

Oakland Post

Front Row: UC Berkeley Steel Bridge Team Back Row: Girls, Inc. Participants. Photo courtesy of the Golden State Warriors.

By Y’Anad Burrell

The Golden State Warriors and e-commerce giant Rakuten are joining forces to inspire the next generation of female engineers through Building STEAM Futures, part of The City Calls campaign.

Organizers say the initiative is founded on the idea that science, technology, engineering, arts, and mathematics (STEAM) are crucial fields for innovation and progress, and empowering young girls to pursue careers in these areas is more important than ever. Studies consistently show that girls are underrepresented in STEAM fields, resulting in a gender disparity that limits potential and hinders diversity.

On Saturday, March 8, International Women’s Day, the Warriors and Rakuten hosted 20 middle school girls from Girls Inc. of Alameda County at Chase Center’s Above the Rim for a hands-on bridge-building experience. The young girls from Girls, Inc. of Alameda County had an opportunity to design, build and test their own bridge prototypes and learn the fundamentals of bridge construction from the Engineering Alliance and the UC Berkeley Steel Bridge Team.

This STEAM experience for the girls followed the first session in January, where they took a behind-the-scenes tour of the Golden Gate Bridge, learning about its design and construction from industry experts. The City Calls campaign, tipped off with the unveiling the Warriors’ new bridge-themed City Edition jerseys and court design earlier this year.