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A Domestic Violence Survivor’s Reflection on Pain

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Wanda Sabir. Photo courtesy of author.

I am a domestic violence survivor. The malady, “a post-slavery relic,”[1] does not skip generations. I watched my father hit my mother. The term “beaten” doesn’t quite reflect what I recall—my mother resisted, just as her embodied mothers had before her. The idea of “family,” something she desired, kept pulling her back until she finally left. 

When Mama left my father, brother and me, the terror did not stop.  We were also slapped, hit, beheaded.  I left one evening with my head in one hand, packed bag in the other, and stepped into a worse horror, a bed I could not vacate until buzzards circled my door as the black widower departed. 

I was 29. That ex-husband morphed into several other fatalities.— All Muslim men—Sufi, NOI converts to Sunni . . . emancipated and still shackled. They were no good.  None of them. I kept marrying my father over and over again, until now I just keep my distance from any intimate relationships[2]

Forty years ago I asked the Imam at the Muslim Center I attended if we could host a circle for women survivors of domestic violence. He agreed and said I could host it. But I didn’t want to host it, I just wanted to attend one. 

I’d still like to attend such a circle composed of women raised Muslim from the Nation of Islam forward, not women born outside the U.S.  A circle for women who have had ayats, or Qur’an verses, shoved down their throats, ayats that condone male violence against women.

“Beat her lightly. . . . [She deserved it.]”  “Men are the caretakers of women.”  “You may dislike a thing that brings about a great deal of good” (Qur’an)
Beat her lightly. . . ., one verse says. She deserved it.  Men are the caretakers of women. 

I didn’t have anywhere to run.  I asked. I looked for announcements along an underground railroad. There were no safe houses, no shelters, no abolitionist movement.

My father told me “a woman’s place is with her husband.” I should have expected such a response, but I didn’t, so I stayed with the abuser until I had a job that could support me and two daughters – three long scary years.  

I just wanted to get away before they, too, bore witness and became trapped in memories, nightmares haunting me even now. 

I don’t think my daughters have suffered such abuse in their relationships, but I can’t say the same will be true for their children. Perhaps such violence lies dormant like a sleeper cell and gets triggered in certain circumstances? 

I have experienced physical and emotional abuse. I think the emotional abuse is worse because it is here that the insidious manipulation happens, the wounds invisible so that the victim can think she imagined such. This is what the perpetrator wants us to believe. Sisters, I say the wounds are real. They show themselves in indecision, self-doubt, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and suicide. 

I keep a therapist employed. I think this is why I am still alive and functional 41 years after the first time I was hit, pregnant with my first child. It was at Lake Merritt. I was sitting in a swing by the bird sanctuary.

Wanda Sabir is the Co-Founder and CEO of MAAFA SF-Bay Area and host of Wanda’s Picks Radio show. 

[1] From a poem entitled “Buried Placenta” from Volume I: Daddy’s Girl ©Wanda Sabir 2018

[2] From a poem entitled “Virgin Happy Hour” from Volume I: Daddy’s Girl ©Wanda Sabir 2018

 

Michelle Snider

Associate Editor for The Post News Group. Writer, Photographer, Videographer, Copy Editor, and website editor documenting local events in the Oakland-Bay Area California area.

Associate Editor for The Post News Group. Writer, Photographer, Videographer, Copy Editor, and website editor documenting local events in the Oakland-Bay Area California area.

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Activism

U.S. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries and Rep. Lateefah Simon to Speak at Elihu Harris Lecture Series

The popular lecture series is co-produced by the Oakland-based Martin Luther King Jr. Freedom Center and Peralta Community College District. Jeffries’ appearance marks the 32nd lecture of the Barbara Lee and Elihu Harris Lecture Series, which has provided thousands of individuals with accessible, free, high-quality information.

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U.S. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (left) and Rep. Lateefah Simon (D-CA-12) (Right).
U.S. House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (left) and Rep. Lateefah Simon (D-CA-12) (Right).

By Scott Horton

United States House of Representatives Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY-8) will be a speaker at the Barbara Lee and Elihu Harris Lecture Series on Friday, Feb. 21.

The event will be held at the Henry J. Kaiser Center for the Arts, 10 Tenth Street in Oakland, at 7 p.m.

The popular lecture series is co-produced by the Oakland-based Martin Luther King Jr. Freedom Center and Peralta Community College District. Jeffries’ appearance marks the 32nd lecture of the Barbara Lee and Elihu Harris Lecture Series, which has provided thousands of individuals with accessible, free, high-quality information.

The overarching goal of the lecture series is to provide speakers from diverse backgrounds a platform to offer their answers to Dr. King’s urgent question, which is also the title of Jeffries’ latest book: “Where do we go from here: Chaos or Community?”

In addition to Jeffries, Congresswoman Lateefah Simon (D-CA-12) will also speak.

“Certainly, now is a time for humanity, in general, and Americans in particular to honestly and genuinely answer Dr. King’s question,” said Dr. Roy D. Wilson, Executive Director of the Martin Luther King Jr. Freedom Center and Executive Producer of the lecture series.

“Dr. King teaches that time is neutral but not static. Like the water in a river, it arrives and then quickly moves on,” continued Wilson. “We must urgently create conditions for listening to many different answers to this vital question, and generate the development of unity of action among all those who struggle for a stronger democracy.”

In his book, Jeffries shares his experience of being unanimously elected by his colleagues as the first African American in history to ever hold the position of House Minority Leader.

In January 2023 in Washington, Jeffries made his first official speech as House Minority Leader. He affirmed Democratic values one letter of the alphabet at a time. His words and how he framed them as the alphabet caught the attention of Americans, and the speech was later turned into a book, The ABCs of Democracy, bringing Congressman Jeffries rousing speech to vivid, colorful life, including illustrations by Shaniya Carrington. The speech and book are inspiring and urgent as a timeless reminder of what it means to be a country with equal opportunities for all. Jeffries paints a road map for a brighter American future and warns of the perils of taking a different path.

Before his colleagues unanimously elected him Minority Leader in 2022, Jeffries previously served as Chair of the House Democratic Caucus and as an Impeachment Manager during the first Senate trial of the 45th President of the United States.

Jeffries was born in Brooklyn Hospital, raised in Crown Heights, grew up in the Cornerstone Baptist Church and he is a product of New York City’s public school system, graduating from Midwood High School. Jefferies went on to Binghamton University (BA), Georgetown University (master’s in public policy) and New York University (JD).

He served in the New York State Assembly from 2007 to 2012.

Admission is free for the Feb. 21 Barbara Lee and Elihu Harris Lecture Series featuring Congressman Jeffries. Please reserve seats by calling the Martin Luther King Jr. Freedom Center at (510) 434-3988.

Signed copies of his book will be available for purchase at the event.

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Activism

McClymonds High Names School Gym for Star Graduate, Basketball Legend Bill Russell

William “Bill” Felton Russell was born on Feb. 12, 1934, and died on July 31, 2022. He achieved fame as a U.S.  professional basketball player who played center for the Boston Celtics of the National Basketball Association (NBA) from 1956 to 1969. He was the centerpiece of the Celtics dynasty that won 11 NBA championships during his 13-year career.

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Bill Russell and Brian McGhee in McClymonds High School Gym, 2011. Photo courtesy of Brian McGhee.
Bill Russell and Brian McGhee in McClymonds High School Gym, 2011. Photo courtesy of Brian McGhee.

By Ken Epstein

West Oakland’s McClymonds High School, “the School of Champions,” this week named the school’s gymnasium in honor of one of its most famous graduates, basketball legend Bill Russell (class of ’52).

William “Bill” Felton Russell was born on Feb. 12, 1934, and died on July 31, 2022. He achieved fame as a U.S.  professional basketball player who played center for the Boston Celtics of the National Basketball Association (NBA) from 1956 to 1969. He was the centerpiece of the Celtics dynasty that won 11 NBA championships during his 13-year career.

Russell is widely known as one of the greatest basketball players of all time. In 2011, he received the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the country’s highest civil honor, from President Barack Obama for Russell’s contributions to basketball and the Civil Rights Movement.

The McClymonds’ naming ceremony was held on Wednesday, the same day as Russell’s birthday.  Oakland leader Bill Patterson, a longtime friend of Russell’s, was scheduled to cut the ribbon at the reopening of the gym, which had been closed for several months for renovation. Russell’s daughter Karen was scheduled to attend the ribbon cutting.

Russell’s name and signature are now printed on the gymnasium floor.

Patterson was working at DeFremery Park when he met Russell. “I befriended him as a boy and during his years at University of San Francisco” said Patterson. “We stayed friends for the rest of his life.”

Said McClymonds Principal Darielle Davis, herself a McClymonds graduate, “We are excited to honor Bill Russell for his sports accolades and because he broke color barriers. He is part of our legacy, and legacy is really important at McClymonds.”

Brian McGhee, community schools manager at McClymonds and former football player at UC  Berkeley, said that Russell meant a lot to him and others at the school.  “He was a beacon of light and hope for West Oakland,” he said. “He did a lot for sports and for civil rights.”

Starting in 2018, Ben “Coach” Tapscott worked with Patterson and other McClymonds grads, community members, and former coaches to encourage the Oakland Board of Education to endorse the naming of the school gym, which finally happened recently.

“We worked hard to make this happen,” said Tapscott. “He’s an important part of McClymond’s history, along with a lot of other famous graduates,” he said.

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Activism

Retired Bay Area Journalist Finds Success in Paris with Black History Tours

In the late 90s, Stevenson finally realized her dream of living in Paris, now with her daughter. She started exploring the history of Africans in the city and would go on to teach others the same. Her business, which she named Black Paris Tours (BPT), received a significant boost when a family friend gave her a stack of cash and encouraged her to expand on the knowledge that she had only started to share with people she knew.

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Ricki Stevenson, Blacks in Paris. Courtesy photo.
Ricki Stevenson, Blacks in Paris. Courtesy photo.

By Post Staff

There were two things Oakland-born, East Palo Alto-raised Ricki Stevenson always dreamed of:

  1. Going to New York as a newscaster to tell the true story of Blacks in America.
  2. Living and working in Paris one day.

Her dreams of life in Paris began when she was three years old and her mother, a former professional dancer, took her to see Josephine Baker perform. She was 11 when her parents took her to the Stanford University campus to meet James Baldwin, who was speaking about his book, “The Fire Next Time.” Ricki says that’s when she knew she’d one day live in Paris, “the city of light!”

But before that would ever happen, she had a tumultuous career as a newscaster across the country that was inspired by her family’s history.

Stevenson recalls marching with Cesar Chavez as he fought for labor rights for farm workers in California.

“Are we Mexican too?” she asked her parents. “No, but we will fight for everyone’s human rights,” they responded to her.

Ironically, Ricki’s paternal family roots went back to Greenwood, Oklahoma, infamous for the 1921 bombing of Black Wall Street. A time when Black people had oil wells, banks, and a thriving business community.

This background would propel her into a 25-year journalism career that gave her the opportunity to interview greats like President Jimmy Carter, PLO leader Yassir Arafat, James Baldwin, Rev. Jesse Jackson, UN Ambassador Andrew Young, Miriam Makeba, and the leaders of South African liberation movements.

A job offer from KCBS radio brought her back to the Bay Area in the 1980s. Then came the switch to TV when she was hired as a Silicon Valley business reporter with KSTS TV, working at the first Black-owned television station in northern CA (created and owned by John Douglas). Along the way, Stevenson worked as an entertainment reporter with BET; coproduced, with her disc jockey brother Isaac, a Bay Area show called “Magic Number Video;” lived in Saudi Arabia; worked as an international travel reporter with News Travel Network; and worked at KRON TV a news anchor and talk show host.

In 1997, Stevenson realized her dream of living in Paris with her young daughter, Dedie. She started exploring the history of Africans in the city and would go on to teach others the same. Her business, which she named Black Paris Tours (BPT), received a significant boost when a family friend, Admiral Robert Toney put a chunk of money in her hand. He said, “Ricki, my wife and I have been coming to Paris for 20 years, but in just two days with you and Dedie, we’ve learned and seen more than we ever did before.”

Years after BPT took off, Ricki met Nawo Carol Crawford and Miguel Overton Guerra, who she recruited as senior scholar guides for Black Paris Tours.

Guerra says he is proud of his work with Black Paris Tours in that it provides a wealth of information about the rich legacy of African and African American history and influence in Paris and Europe.

“I tend to have a feeling for history always being a means of a reference point backwards … you start to understand the history, that it isn’t just the United States, that it began with African people,” Guerra says.

He said that it’s been a pleasure to watch people learn something they didn’t know before and to take them through the city to key points in Black history, like hangout spots for writers like Baldwin and Richard Wright, restaurants in the busiest parts of Paris, the home of Josephine Baker and so much more.

Although the tours are open to all, Guerra hopes that those of African descent from all over the world can embrace that they don’t have to just stay where they are because movies and media have portrayed cities like Paris to be only white, it’s multicultural and accepting to all.

“We’ve been here, and we’ve been there, going way back when. And we shouldn’t be considered or consider ourselves to be strangers in any place that we go to,” he said.

Stevenson notes they’ve had 150,000 people take their tour over the years, with notables like former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, Smokey Robinson, Steve Harvey, Miriam Makeba, and more.

Friends and former media colleagues of Stevenson compliment the BPT crew on their knowledge of the city and their ability to always keep it interesting.

“He [Guerra] just had a deep, deep wealth of knowledge and he was constantly supplanting information with historical facts and the like. I love that it was demonstrating and showing how Black people have thrived in Paris or contributed to the culture in Paris,” Candice Francis said.

She toured in the summer of 2022 and stated that in the two weeks that they visited Paris, BPT was the highlight of her trip. She shared that she was proud of Stevenson and the life she’d managed to manifest and build for herself.

“Even if you’re visiting Paris for the tenth time, if you haven’t taken the tour, then by all means, take it,” Francis emphasized.

Magaly Muñoz, Gay Plair and Paul Cobb also contributed to this story. You can book your own adventure with Black Paris Tours at www.blackparistour.com.

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