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Ask Alma

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Alma Gill

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

 

To Marry to not to Marry

Dear Alma,

A friend of mine is engaged to her fiancé of 4 years, she recently found out that her fiancé has a child that he never told her about or talked about. This happened before they got together. He said he didn’t want to say anything because he didn’t want to hurt her or didn’t want it to ruin what they have, he has had no contact with the child or mother since it happened but now it has come out because he has to pay child support, apparently the mother didn’t want him involved in the child’s life. She is feeling like she can’t trust him anymore or even go forward with dealing with the situation, he has stressed how sorry he is and he couldn’t find a way to tell her. Should she move forward with him or just move on and let it go?

 

Hmmm that was a stretch, even for the Rubber Band Man. I wonder how quick he was able to come up with that on, not long I’d surmise. His answer sounds overwhelmingly familiar. You know how we do when trying to offer up an empty resolution. We answer a question with a question. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book. And you, oh wait, your friend, is sitting there ready to receive it. God bless you Honey. Personally, I’d end it. But I’m not you, or your friend and if she really wanted to leave, she’d already be gone. When a person is ready to bounce from a relationship, they don’t tell a soul, except the confidant who’s helping them break away. When one decides to go, there is no turning back. Your mind’s set and your bed’s made ~ there’s no room for discussion. In-Tay-Who, back to your package, lets open it up.

You’ve worn these shoes before and where did they lead you? Right back to the intersection of Lied2me Again & Heartbreak Blvd. TBT, you’re not lost, this is a familiar place. Hold on, don’t think I’m just picking on you. We’ve all occupied space here at one time or another. Your man, ah, this kind of man will always bring his shortcomings and gift them to you. You know why? Cause you’ll rewrap that bad boy into the fantasy you want it to be. Now with that said, let’s take a left, leaning towards a positive possibility and see what we can discover.

You, oh yea, your friend is obviously one of those women who deliver that “ride or die” kinda love. Stop right here, I’d like to offer an alternative, how about we celebrate the “ride and live” kinda love – for yourself. That’s the type of love that requires him to bring his truth and lay it all on the table. How about you insist that he disclose everything to you and tell you why he walked away. Be it unemployment or immaturity, you deserve to know. After he takes full responsibility, the two of you can start to work on this together, along with all of life’s challenges you’ll face as man and wife. This is huge, make no mistake about it. The chains of deception are broken and in need of delicate repairs. Seriously speaking, hold him accountable and help him to do right by his child. It’s gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. Stay focused and devote yourself to the commitment of your new family. When it feels like you just can’t take another step, remember “regular” can sometimes just be an option at the gas pump, LOL. Lawd have mercy, that aint nothing but the truth.

Alma

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

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Activism

Essay: Intentional Self Care and Community Connections Can Improve Our Wellbeing

At the deepest and also most expansive level of reality, we are all part of the same being, our bodies made from the minerals of the earth, our spirits infused by the spiritual breath that animates the universe. Willingness to move more deeply into fear and pain is the first step toward moving into a larger consciousness. Willingness to move beyond the delusion of our separateness can show us new ways of working and living together.

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Lorraine Bonner is a retired physician. She is also a sculptor who works in clay, exploring issues of trust, trustworthiness and exploitation, as well as visions of a better world.
Lorraine Bonner is a retired physician. She is also a sculptor who works in clay, exploring issues of trust, trustworthiness and exploitation, as well as visions of a better world.

By Dr. Lorraine Bonner, Special to California Black Media Partners

I went to a medical school that was steeped in the principles of classical Western medicine. However, I also learned mindfulness meditation during that time, which opened me to the multifaceted relationship between illnesses and the interconnecting environmental, mental and emotional realities that can impact an individual’s health.

Therefore, when I began to practice medicine, I also pursued training in hypnosis, relaxation techniques, meditation, and guided imagery, to bring a mind-body focus to my work in medical care and prevention.

The people I saw in my practice had a mix of problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes, and a variety of pain issues. I taught almost everyone relaxation breathing and made some general relaxation tapes. To anyone willing, I offered guided imagery.

“My work embraced an approach to wellness I call “Liberatory Health” — one that not only addresses the treatment and management of disease symptoms but also seeks to dismantle the conditions that make people sick in the first place.”

From my perspective, illness is only the outermost manifestation of our efforts to cope, often fueled by addictions such as sugar, tobacco, or alcohol, shackled by an individualistic cult belief that we have only ourselves to blame for our suffering.

At the deepest and also most expansive level of reality, we are all part of the same being, our bodies made from the minerals of the earth, our spirits infused by the spiritual breath that animates the universe. Willingness to move more deeply into fear and pain is the first step toward moving into a larger consciousness. Willingness to move beyond the delusion of our separateness can show us new ways of working and living together.

To put these ideas into practical form, I would quote the immortal Mr. Rogers: “Find the helpers.” There are already people in every community working for liberation. Some of them are running for office, others are giving food to those who need it. Some are volunteering in schools, libraries or hospitals. Some are studying liberation movements, or are working in urban or community gardens, or learning to practice restorative and transformative justice, or creating liberation art, music, dance, theater or writing. Some are mentoring high schoolers or apprenticing young people in a trade. There are many places where compassionate humans are finding other humans and working together for a better world.

A more compassionate world is possible, one in which we will all enjoy better health. Creating it will make us healthier, too.

In community, we are strong. Recognizing denial and overcoming the fragmenting effects of spiritual disorder offer us a path to liberation and true health.

Good health and well-being are the collective rights of all people!

About the Author

Dr. Lorraine Bonner is a retired physician. She is also a sculptor who works in clay, exploring issues of trust, trustworthiness and exploitation, as well as visions of a better world.

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Activism

Opinion: Can Donald Trump Pole Dance?

Given all that is happening, if the presidency was more like pole dancing, you know Trump would be flat on his butt.

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iStock.
iStock.

By Emil Guillermo

The news cycle has been buzzing the last few weeks. Xi, with Putin and Kim, the sweethearts of Trump carousing alone without him? The victims of the pedophile Epstein speaking out publicly in DC.

Then, there’s the release of that salacious letter Donald Trump allegedly wrote to Jeffrey Epstein. Trump said the letter didn’t exist. But it does.

Timing is everything.

Additionally, there are further concerns, such as the Supreme Court removing restrictions on ICE interactions.  ICE Agents can stop anyone now. For any reason. And there’s the threat of the U.S. sending the military to fight crime in Chicago. Trump even posted a meme of himself as a character in “Apocalypse Now.”

All that with bad polls and bad economic numbers, and these topics are dominating the news cycle — Trump era chaos.

Given all that is happening, if the presidency was more like pole dancing, you know Trump would be flat on his butt.

The reality is the opposite. He keeps going strong like nothing’s happened. Inexplicably, Trump always seems to defy gravity.

That’s why to reassure myself with reality, I just think of Trump on a pole. Dancing. He was born on Flag Day, after all.

I’ve got pole dancing on my mind because I’m in Canada at the Vancouver Fringe Festival doing my show, “Emil Amok 69, Everything’s Flipped,” about how the current political situation gets very personal.

Get tickets here if you’re near:

I’ve performed at 16 fringe festivals, and I always look for unique performers. This year, in my same venue (the Revue Stage) I found her in a show, “The Pole Shebang.”

Andrea James Lui may look like a typical Asian American at first.

But she’s Asian Canadian, married to an Australian, who now lives down under.

At the Vancouver Fringe, she highlights her special identity.

Pole Dancer

Yes, pole dancing has come to the fringe. Leave your dollar bills at home, this is not that kind of pole dancing.

This is more Cirque Du Soleil-ish- acrobatic stuff, yet it’s hard to deny the sexiness when a woman flawlessly swings from a pole with her legs apart.

The show is more intriguing than it is titillating.

Lui has created a behind-the-scenes look at the “polar” experience.

“She could have been a physicist,” says her big sister Christina, who despite saying that, supports her sister 100 percent.

Lui touches on some of the emotional depth in the poled subculture. But there’s plenty more to mine in the future.  “Polar Bare,” the Musical? I’d see it.

Trump on a Pole

So that’s how I’ve come to the polar metaphor.

As Trump flails in the news, I picture him on a pole.

The letter to Epstein is further proof of the character of the man.

Will he stay afloat?

Not if the presidency were more like pole dancing.

You can’t lie on the pole.

That’s one way all of us in the Trump era can get to the truth.

About the Author

Emil Amok is a veteran journalist, commentator, and stage monologist. He has written a weekly column on Asian Americans for more than 30 years.

Contact: www.amok.com

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California Black Media

Opinion: Some Believe Trump’s Takeover of D.C. Police Is a Necessary Solution to an Unending Crime Epidemic

founding principles that establish congressional oversight over the nation’s capital. By mobilizing 800 members of the National Guard to rein in crime, he is not only prioritizing public safety but also challenging the status quo that has allowed D.C. to spiral into lawlessness.

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Los Angeles, USA – June 8, 2025. National Guard troops on standby during a downtown demonstration against expanded ICE operations and in support of immigrant rights. Shutterstock.
Los Angeles, USA – June 8, 2025. National Guard troops on standby during a downtown demonstration against expanded ICE operations and in support of immigrant rights. Shutterstock.

By Craig J. DeLuz, Special to California Black Media Partners 

President Trump’s recent announcement regarding federal control of the Washington, D.C. police force is a bold and necessary step toward confronting the rampant crime that has plagued our nation’s capital. This decision resonates strongly, especially in light of the ever-mounting statistics that tell a grim tale of safety in the District. The persistent narrative attempting to downplay the crime crisis in D.C. must be challenged, as doing so is irrelevant to pursuing real solutions.

President Trump acknowledged a longstanding problem and took action to address it.

For years, D.C. has wrestled with a heinous crime rate. In 2023 alone, the city recorded 200 homicides at its fastest pace ever, leading to an alarming murder rate that surpasses even that of cities like Bogotá, Colombia and Mexico City, Mexico – Latin American capitals notorious for their violence. The statistics are damning: the number of car thefts has doubled, while carjackings have more than tripled in just five years. These figures paint a plain picture of reality, contradicting claims from local officials who have, time and again, insisted that everything is “just fine.” This level of denial, akin to sticking one’s head in the sand, and it does not pave a path to real solutions. It only fosters a dangerous environment in which citizens feel less secure.

President Trump has invoked the District of Columbia Home Rule Act, asserting his constitutional authority — something very much in line with the founding principles that establish congressional oversight over the nation’s capital. By mobilizing 800 members of the National Guard to rein in crime, he is not only prioritizing public safety but also challenging the status quo that has allowed D.C. to spiral into lawlessness.

The President’s concern for safety is echoed in a recent Washington Post poll, which reveals that Black and low-income residents of D.C. are particularly alarmed about the rising crime rates, highlighting a troubling disconnect between prevailing political narratives and the lived experiences of vulnerable communities.

President Trump’s strategy — to increase police presence and reshape law enforcement authority — is reminiscent of practical measures that stemmed from the “Broken Windows Theory,” which posits that addressing small problems can prevent larger ones from manifesting. The idea is straightforward: if the community can see that law enforcement is actively engaged, the likelihood of crime decreases. This concept has been proven time and again in other cities, where policing strategies that insist on accountability and visible enforcement lead to substantial drops in criminal behavior.

President Trump’s decisive action to reclaim control over the policing of Washington, D.C. deserves acknowledgment and support. It is a response based on hard truths, action, and a clear message: safety and well-being cannot wait for the next convenient political cycle. As the President suggested, “we want our Capitol back.” That means stepping up and refusing to accept a narrative of complacency when real-world dangers lurk just outside our doors. Only through leadership that prioritizes immediate and tangible responses can we hope to see a decline in crime and a restoration of peace in our nation’s capital.

About the Author 

Craig J. DeLuz has almost 30 years of experience in public policy and advocacy. He currently hosts a daily news and commentary show called “The RUNDOWN.” You can follow him on X at @CraigDeLuz.

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