Op-Ed
Ask Alma
My Brother’s Non-Breakup Breakup
Dear Alma,
My brother and his fiancée broke off their engagement, which was a surprise to my whole family. Nobody totally knows the story, but she moved out of his house, unfriended him on Facebook, the whole shebang. Over the holidays, we all got together, and everyone started trashing the girl. My brother got really awkward and left, saying he didn’t feel up for hanging out. Fine, right Except I just found out he and his girlfriend have still been talking, and they haven’t told the rest of my family yet. The problem is, my family’s still badmouthing this girl at every opportunity, but it’s starting to look like they might get back together. My brother doesn’t want me to say anything, so how can I tell my family to cool it without spilling the beans?
Name withheld
Dear Name Withheld,
Your brother asked you not to say anything because this is his issue, not yours. He knows the hardest part of this debacle is going back to family members, face-to-face, asking for grace. Not for himself, because as a family member, he understands he gets a pass. It’s the outsider, his unrelated other half he’s pleading a case for. Yep, the one that hurt him. The one that everybody knows, or at least think they know, hurt him.
Indulge me for a minute. This takes me back to a time when I was bad-mouthing my first husband. My Mama was like, ahhh, no, rule #1: What happens in your house, stays in your house, I don’t wanna hear it. I was like whaaat? Really?? You gotta be kidding me. Then she said to me, keep it to yourself until it’s over. You’ll be back on his pillow in the morning and I’ll still be sipping on a glass of wanna kick a** – well, you know what I’m sayin, LOL. I was ticked at first, but over time, I totally understood where she was coming from. I stand firm to that same rule with my family members to this day. Some relationships are like beach water, back and forth. One minute they’re breaking up, no making up – throw your hands up – who really knows for sure?
Nonetheless, it happens, this isn’t that unusual at all. So here’s my suggestion of what you can do to help. Like an All-Pro left tackle, safeguard your brother. When the family’s on the sideline having a field day, rooting against his fiancé, you say, “She’s not all bad” (bob ‘n weave, here come the side-eye, LOL). Follow up with “I like her and I hope they get back together.” Whaaaat, you just scored a touchdown! I betcha over time, this, my friend, will set your brother up for win-win. Remind him to take it slow, your Mama’s still sipping on her glass of – you know. Just make sure your bro knows you’ve got his back. That’s the best way you can help him right now. If he and his fi’ decide to weather this storm and get married, Mr. & Mrs. must, under any and all situations, stick to, adhere, follow and abide by rule #1.
Alma
Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.
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Activism
Oakland Post Endorses Barbara Lee
Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

As we end the celebration of Women’s History Month in Oakland, we endorse Barbara Lee, a woman of demonstrated historical significance. In our opinion, she has the best chance of uniting the city and achieving our needs for affordable housing, public safety, and fiscal accountability.
As a former small business owner, Barbara Lee understands how to apply tools needed to revitalize Oakland’s downtown, uptown, and neighborhood businesses.
Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.
It is notable that many of those who fought politically on both sides of the recent recall election battles have now laid down their weapons and become brothers and sisters in support of Barbara Lee. The Oakland Post is pleased to join them.
Activism
Actor, Philanthropist Blair Underwood Visits Bay Area, Kicks Off Literacy Program in ‘New Oakland’ Initiative
These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

By Paul Cobb
New Oakland Series
Opinion Part 3
The Post mentioned three weeks ago that a number of our local luminaries were coming together to support the “New Oakland” movement. As this current national administration continues to eliminate our “legacy” institutional policies and programs left and right, most communities find themselves beyond “frozen” in fear.
Well, esteemed actor, long-time Bay Area supporter, and philanthropist Blair Underwood returned to Oakland this week to speak with city leaders, community trust agents, students, the Oakland Post, and local celebrities alike to continue his “New Oakland” initiative.
This week, he kicked off his “Guess Who’s Coming to Read” literacy program in some of Oakland’s middle schools. Clifford Ray, who played the center position of the 1975 World Champion Golden State Warriors, donated close to 1,000 books. Ray’s fellow teammate Charles “The Hopper” Dudley also gave Converse sneakers to students.
These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.
Underwood also spent quality time with the Oakland Ballers ownership group and visited the amazing Raimondi Park West Oakland community revitalization site. In the 1996 TV film Soul of the Game, Underwood played the role of the legendary first Black Major League Baseball player Jackie Robinson and commended the Ballers owners.
“This group of sports enthusiasts/ philanthropists needs to be applauded for their human capital investment and their financial capital investment,” Underwood said. “Truly putting their money and passion to work,” Underwood said.
Underwood was also inspired by mayoral candidate Barbara Lee’s open-minded invitation to bring public-private partnership opportunities to Oakland.
Underwood said he wants to “reinforce the importance of ‘collaborative activism’ among those most marginalized by non-empathic leadership. We must ‘act out’ our discomfort with passionate intentions to create healthy change.”
Activism
Councilmembers Ramachandran, Kaplan, Unger Identify Funds to Save Oakland Fire Stations
Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

By Janani Ramachandran
There is no greater concern to the people of Oakland today than public safety. Fire stations are the bread and butter of essential city services – and every day that we have stations shuttered, we imperil the lives of our community members. In response to widespread outcry over the current and planned closure of stations, myself, along with Councilmembers Kaplan and Unger, have painstakingly worked to identify millions of dollars of new funding to save our stations. The legislation we introduced on Thursday, February 13th, will amend our budget to prevent the closure of four fire stations that are currently on the chopping block due to our budget crisis and will re-open two closed stations that have already been closed – Station 25 and 28 – in the near future. The resolution that will provide the funding to keep our stations open will go before the full City Council for a vote at our meeting on Tuesday, March 4th at 3:30 PM – and we invite you to join us at City Hall to share your perspective on the topic.
Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.
With the devastating Los Angeles fire at the top of people’s minds, terrible memories of Oakland’s own wildfires are re-surfacing from the 1991 Oakland Hills Firestorm to the Keller fire just a few months ago – and how essential fire stations are to mitigating these catastrophes. But in Oakland, our fire stations don’t just fight wildfires – they also provide emergency medical services to our most vulnerable constituents, put out structural fires and encampment fires, and much more.
We recognize that there are a number of competing interests and important initiatives fighting for sparse City resources. But from my perspective, core safety services are the most pivotal functions that a City must spend its resources on – especially given the outcry we have heard around fire stations.
The fight to save our stations is not over. The resolution we introduced is a critical first step, and there are hurdles to overcome. If you support keeping our fire stations open, we invite you to be a part of the solution by making your voice heard at the March 4th City Council meeting at 3:30 pm.
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