Op-Ed

Ask Alma

Published

11 years ago

February 23, 2015

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

Should I give my Ex a Break on Support Payment?
‪Dear Alma,

I think I know what I’m going to do but I’m curious as to what you think about my situation. My husband and I were married for eight years. We have three boys. We are now divorced. He gets them almost every weekend and is very active in their lives. He has however been behind over the years with his child support payments but last year he paid on time every month. When he filed for his income tax return this year, he was told the money would go towards his back child support payments. He called, explained his situation and asked me if I would give him part of the money. The back child support check will come to me. I have not remarried, so no, I’m not working with a double income. Again, I know what I’m thinking but I’d like to know what do you think I should do?

Name withheld

‪
‪If you’re a super fan of Ask Alma, and I think that you are, you know I’ve got a soft spot when it comes to our fathers. I don’t know if it’s because of the amazing relationship I had with my Dad, my incredible male friends who are fathers, or the fact that I have a remarkable son, who’s a father – there’s no two ways about it, fathers hold a special place in my heart.

‪Specifically, when it comes to your ex, the boys Dad, his actions speak loud and hearty, he’s handling his business. He has buckled his boots and put his best foot forward. Pops has met every payment, on time and that Sweetheart is a blessing. I’m sure at some point, something came up – maybe a flat tire, the need for a new suit or the electric bill was extra high one month ~ and he still came through for his boys. You and I both know as mothers, there’s always a bump in the road, without a doubt Here’s a shout out to the mamas who navigate them every day. Speaking of every day, your quandary reminds me of a quote I recently read from DMX. He said, “Every day, I get closer to God. Every day, my will to do the right thing gets stronger”. In that quote, I see a man who’s trying, just like your ex-husband, to be a better father.

‪I’m not sure of your answer, but my answer is yes, I think you should extend to him a few dollars. The amount ought to be of your choosing, since you do have a firsthand knowledge of what’s needed by the boys. Your ex is finally willing and able, offering to you and his sons, his best. Take the time to appreciate it and him, and return to him a portion of your best. Because of your boys, the end of your marriage doesn’t have to be the end of a respectful relationship. Offer up a cup of compassion and a fist full of forgiveness. Tenderheartedly handle your business mama, and while you’re extending that hand to be a blessing, hold it open just a minute, to receive one as well.

Alma

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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Seth Curry Makes Impressive Debut with the Golden State Warriors

Seth looked comfortable in his new uniform, seamlessly fitting into the Warriors’ offensive and defensive system. He finished the night with an impressive 14 points, becoming one of the team’s top scorers for the game. Seth’s points came in a variety of ways – floaters, spot-up three-pointers, mid-range jumpers, and a handful of aggressive drives that kept the Oklahoma City Thunder defense on its heels.

Published

3 days ago

December 4, 2025

Oakland Post

Seth Curry is a point guard on the GSW team.Photo courtesy of the Golden State Warriors.

By Y’Anad Burrell

Tuesday night was anything but ordinary for fans in San Francisco as Seth Curry made his highly anticipated debut as a new member of the Golden State Warriors. Seth didn’t disappoint, delivering a performance that not only showcased his scoring ability but also demonstrated his added value to the team.

At 35, the 12-year NBA veteran on Monday signed a contract to play with the Warriors for the rest of the season.

One of the most memorable moments of the evening came before Seth even scored his first points. As he checked into the game, the Chase Center erupted into applause, with fans rising to their feet to give the newest Warrior a standing ovation.

The crowd’s reaction was a testament not only to Seth’s reputation as a sharpshooter but also to the excitement he brings to the Warriors. It was clear that fans quickly embraced Seth as one of their own, eager to see what he could bring to the team’s championship aspirations.

Warriors’ superstar Steph Curry – Seth’s brother – did not play due to an injury. One could only imagine what it would be like if the Curry brothers were on the court together. Magic in the making.

Seth’s debut proved to be a turning point for the Warriors. Not only did he contribute on the scoreboard, but he also brought a sense of confidence and composure to the floor.

While their loss last night, OKC 124 – GSW 112, Seth’s impact was a game-changer and there’s more yet to come. Beyond statistics, it was clear that Seth’s presence elevated the team’s performance, giving the Warriors a new force as they look to make a deep playoff run.

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Activism

Essay: Intentional Self Care and Community Connections Can Improve Our Wellbeing

At the deepest and also most expansive level of reality, we are all part of the same being, our bodies made from the minerals of the earth, our spirits infused by the spiritual breath that animates the universe. Willingness to move more deeply into fear and pain is the first step toward moving into a larger consciousness. Willingness to move beyond the delusion of our separateness can show us new ways of working and living together.

Published

1 month ago

October 27, 2025

Oakland Post

Lorraine Bonner is a retired physician. She is also a sculptor who works in clay, exploring issues of trust, trustworthiness and exploitation, as well as visions of a better world.

By Dr. Lorraine Bonner, Special to California Black Media Partners

I went to a medical school that was steeped in the principles of classical Western medicine. However, I also learned mindfulness meditation during that time, which opened me to the multifaceted relationship between illnesses and the interconnecting environmental, mental and emotional realities that can impact an individual’s health.

Therefore, when I began to practice medicine, I also pursued training in hypnosis, relaxation techniques, meditation, and guided imagery, to bring a mind-body focus to my work in medical care and prevention.

The people I saw in my practice had a mix of problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes, and a variety of pain issues. I taught almost everyone relaxation breathing and made some general relaxation tapes. To anyone willing, I offered guided imagery.

“My work embraced an approach to wellness I call “Liberatory Health” — one that not only addresses the treatment and management of disease symptoms but also seeks to dismantle the conditions that make people sick in the first place.”

From my perspective, illness is only the outermost manifestation of our efforts to cope, often fueled by addictions such as sugar, tobacco, or alcohol, shackled by an individualistic cult belief that we have only ourselves to blame for our suffering.

To put these ideas into practical form, I would quote the immortal Mr. Rogers: “Find the helpers.” There are already people in every community working for liberation. Some of them are running for office, others are giving food to those who need it. Some are volunteering in schools, libraries or hospitals. Some are studying liberation movements, or are working in urban or community gardens, or learning to practice restorative and transformative justice, or creating liberation art, music, dance, theater or writing. Some are mentoring high schoolers or apprenticing young people in a trade. There are many places where compassionate humans are finding other humans and working together for a better world.

A more compassionate world is possible, one in which we will all enjoy better health. Creating it will make us healthier, too.

In community, we are strong. Recognizing denial and overcoming the fragmenting effects of spiritual disorder offer us a path to liberation and true health.

Good health and well-being are the collective rights of all people!

About the Author

Dr. Lorraine Bonner is a retired physician. She is also a sculptor who works in clay, exploring issues of trust, trustworthiness and exploitation, as well as visions of a better world.

Oakland Post

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Activism

Opinion: Can Donald Trump Pole Dance?

Given all that is happening, if the presidency was more like pole dancing, you know Trump would be flat on his butt.

Published

3 months ago

September 14, 2025

Oakland Post

iStock.

By Emil Guillermo

The news cycle has been buzzing the last few weeks. Xi, with Putin and Kim, the sweethearts of Trump carousing alone without him? The victims of the pedophile Epstein speaking out publicly in DC.

Then, there’s the release of that salacious letter Donald Trump allegedly wrote to Jeffrey Epstein. Trump said the letter didn’t exist. But it does.

Timing is everything.

Additionally, there are further concerns, such as the Supreme Court removing restrictions on ICE interactions. ICE Agents can stop anyone now. For any reason. And there’s the threat of the U.S. sending the military to fight crime in Chicago. Trump even posted a meme of himself as a character in “Apocalypse Now.”

All that with bad polls and bad economic numbers, and these topics are dominating the news cycle — Trump era chaos.

Given all that is happening, if the presidency was more like pole dancing, you know Trump would be flat on his butt.

The reality is the opposite. He keeps going strong like nothing’s happened. Inexplicably, Trump always seems to defy gravity.

That’s why to reassure myself with reality, I just think of Trump on a pole. Dancing. He was born on Flag Day, after all.

I’ve got pole dancing on my mind because I’m in Canada at the Vancouver Fringe Festival doing my show, “Emil Amok 69, Everything’s Flipped,” about how the current political situation gets very personal.

Get tickets here if you’re near:

I’ve performed at 16 fringe festivals, and I always look for unique performers. This year, in my same venue (the Revue Stage) I found her in a show, “The Pole Shebang.”

Andrea James Lui may look like a typical Asian American at first.

But she’s Asian Canadian, married to an Australian, who now lives down under.

At the Vancouver Fringe, she highlights her special identity.

Pole Dancer

Yes, pole dancing has come to the fringe. Leave your dollar bills at home, this is not that kind of pole dancing.

This is more Cirque Du Soleil-ish- acrobatic stuff, yet it’s hard to deny the sexiness when a woman flawlessly swings from a pole with her legs apart.

The show is more intriguing than it is titillating.

Lui has created a behind-the-scenes look at the “polar” experience.

“She could have been a physicist,” says her big sister Christina, who despite saying that, supports her sister 100 percent.

Lui touches on some of the emotional depth in the poled subculture. But there’s plenty more to mine in the future. “Polar Bare,” the Musical? I’d see it.

Trump on a Pole

So that’s how I’ve come to the polar metaphor.

As Trump flails in the news, I picture him on a pole.

The letter to Epstein is further proof of the character of the man.

Will he stay afloat?

Not if the presidency were more like pole dancing.

You can’t lie on the pole.

That’s one way all of us in the Trump era can get to the truth.

About the Author

Emil Amok is a veteran journalist, commentator, and stage monologist. He has written a weekly column on Asian Americans for more than 30 years.

Contact: www.amok.com