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Alma Gill

 

 

Confronting an Alcoholic Friend

 

Dear Alma, 

I have a dear friend who is the sweetest, kindest person you could ever hope to know. She remembers everything you’ve ever told her, and always follows up to find out how things went. But, she’s a drinker. The last time we met for brunch, there was unlimited champagne, and she had seven or eight glasses. When we go out for dinner, she always has multiple glasses of wine. There is no way I can keep up with her, so I just nurse my drink so she doesn’t feel like she’s drinking alone. 

The drinking doesn’t change her personality, she basically stays the same, not louder or sadder or sillier. I’ve never once seen her out of control. What concerns me most is when she drives home after we go out. I usually try to drive, so she can feel comfortable if she wants to drink, but once in a while she insists on driving because she feels like she should share it. Then, I’m petrified for both of us. I know I should be ordering cabs, but I don’t want to offend her. 

I know she’s unhappy in her job and she’s living far from her family, although she is so upbeat that you would never know if she had anything on her mind. I have never said anything about her drinking to her, but I’m wondering if maybe I should. If I did, what would I say? Or should I just not bring it up?

 

 

I’m so glad you’re pondering this. Oh yes, sweetie pie, you’ve got to bring it up. It’s your sister-girlfriend duty to help save her life. I know, I know, confronting a loved one about an addiction is a rough road to travel. Once the words come out, you’ve gotta dodge speed bumps, gravel pits and potholes the size of a mini-van. Nevertheless, there’s no excuse to ever park on the street of silence. She needs you and I commend you for stepping up. Now, let’s take a minute to weigh in on the good, the bad and the ugly that stands before you.

The good: she’s your dear sister-girlfriend and you love her. It breaks your heart to think she’s pained in any way. You want to protect her from any hurt, harm or danger.

The bad: She’s a functioning alcoholic. So far, to our knowledge, she has never been confronted about her problem or had to admit to it. She’s allowed to continue this charade because she’s composed, calm, employed and performs as if she has it all together.

The ugly: She doesn’t have it all together. She knows how much she drinks, but she thinks she can handle it because of the enablers she has surrounded herself with. And yep, you’re one of ‘em.

My Uncle Dan (God rest his soul) was an absolute drunk from 5:00 pm on Friday until 10:00 pm on Sunday. Come Monday morning, he was clean as the Board of Health, and never missed a day of work. Where I’m from it’s called “carrying your liquor.” For most of us, when we think of an alcoholic, what comes to our mind’s eye, is a person who’s unkempt, homeless, unemployed with no family to speak of. But that’s not the truth of the matter. Everybody knows an Uncle Dan. Bottom line is, if you abuse alcohol every day or just on the weekends, you have a problem and it’s up to your family and friends to call you out on it.

Allow me to reiterate for loves sake, yes, have that hard conversation with your friend. I’d suggest you go to alcoholic.org; it explains how to take the first step with love and kindness. It tells you what to say, how to say it, and what to expect after you’ve said it. All best of blessings to you both, my dear. It may not feel like it right now, but let me be the first to say, you’re doing the right thing. I pray your friend will be able to receive it.

 

Alma

 

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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Oakland Post Endorses Barbara Lee

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

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Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo, Office of Rep. Barbara Lee.
Former Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo.

As we end the celebration of Women’s History Month in Oakland, we endorse Barbara Lee, a woman of demonstrated historical significance. In our opinion, she has the best chance of uniting the city and achieving our needs for affordable housing, public safety, and fiscal accountability.

As a former small business owner, Barbara Lee understands how to apply tools needed to revitalize Oakland’s downtown, uptown, and neighborhood businesses.

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

It is notable that many of those who fought politically on both sides of the recent recall election battles have now laid down their weapons and become brothers and sisters in support of Barbara Lee. The Oakland Post is pleased to join them.

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Actor, Philanthropist Blair Underwood Visits Bay Area, Kicks Off Literacy Program in ‘New Oakland’ Initiative

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

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Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.
Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.

By Paul Cobb
New Oakland Series
Opinion Part 3

The Post mentioned three weeks ago that a number of our local luminaries were coming together to support the “New Oakland” movement. As this current national administration continues to eliminate our “legacy” institutional policies and programs left and right, most communities find themselves beyond “frozen” in fear.

Well, esteemed actor, long-time Bay Area supporter, and philanthropist Blair Underwood returned to Oakland this week to speak with city leaders, community trust agents, students, the Oakland Post, and local celebrities alike to continue his “New Oakland” initiative.

This week, he kicked off his “Guess Who’s Coming to Read” literacy program in some of Oakland’s middle schools. Clifford Ray, who played the center position of the 1975 World Champion Golden State Warriors, donated close to 1,000 books. Ray’s fellow teammate Charles “The Hopper” Dudley also gave Converse sneakers to students.

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

Underwood also spent quality time with the Oakland Ballers ownership group and visited the amazing Raimondi Park West Oakland community revitalization site. In the 1996 TV film Soul of the Game, Underwood played the role of the legendary first Black Major League Baseball player Jackie Robinson and commended the Ballers owners.

“This group of sports enthusiasts/ philanthropists needs to be applauded for their human capital investment and their financial capital investment,” Underwood said. “Truly putting their money and passion to work,” Underwood said.

Underwood was also inspired by mayoral candidate Barbara Lee’s open-minded invitation to bring public-private partnership opportunities to Oakland.

Underwood said he wants to “reinforce the importance of ‘collaborative activism’ among those most marginalized by non-empathic leadership. We must ‘act out’ our discomfort with passionate intentions to create healthy change.”

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Councilmembers Ramachandran, Kaplan, Unger Identify Funds to Save Oakland Fire Stations

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

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Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.
Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.

By Janani Ramachandran

There is no greater concern to the people of Oakland today than public safety. Fire stations are the bread and butter of essential city services – and every day that we have stations shuttered, we imperil the lives of our community members. In response to widespread outcry over the current and planned closure of stations, myself, along with Councilmembers Kaplan and Unger, have painstakingly worked to identify millions of dollars of new funding to save our stations. The legislation we introduced on Thursday, February 13th, will amend our budget to prevent the closure of four fire stations that are currently on the chopping block due to our budget crisis and will re-open two closed stations that have already been closed – Station 25 and 28 – in the near future. The resolution that will provide the funding to keep our stations open will go before the full City Council for a vote at our meeting on Tuesday, March 4th at 3:30 PM – and we invite you to join us at City Hall to share your perspective on the topic.

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

With the devastating Los Angeles fire at the top of people’s minds, terrible memories of Oakland’s own wildfires are re-surfacing from the 1991 Oakland Hills Firestorm to the Keller fire just a few months ago – and how essential fire stations are to mitigating these catastrophes. But in Oakland, our fire stations don’t just fight wildfires – they also provide emergency medical services to our most vulnerable constituents, put out structural fires and encampment fires, and much more.

We recognize that there are a number of competing interests and important initiatives fighting for sparse City resources. But from my perspective, core safety services are the most pivotal functions that a City must spend its resources on – especially given the outcry we have heard around fire stations.

The fight to save our stations is not over. The resolution we introduced is a critical first step, and there are hurdles to overcome. If you support keeping our fire stations open, we invite you to be a part of the solution by making your voice heard at the March 4th City Council meeting at 3:30 pm.

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