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COMMENTARY: 8 tips for visiting the sick

MINNESOTA SPOKESMAN -RECORDER — 

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By Juliet Mitchell

When… I was sick… you visited me.” Matthew 25:36

It’s not a happy subject to discuss, but it’s inevitable that human bodies will experience sickness, disease or break down. Since this is a fact of life, a part of the human condition, we are likely to be called upon to visit someone who is sick at some point.

So, let’s get real about this whole visiting the sick thang, y’all. Yes, my southern girl is coming out. Yes, I’m a GRITS (Girl Raised in the South). Growing up in the South around a close-knit community of relatives and friends, acquaintances and even strangers, visiting the sick was as much a part of life as farming, canning and going to church.

As good family, good community members and good church folk, you cooked some food, packed it up, cleaned yourself up and went to visit. Visiting included laughing (if the person was up to it), talking (if the person had the interest, strength or energy), listening (if the person wanted to listen), and sometimes sitting quietly.

Your visit may have required feeding, cleaning (yes, even cleaning the person — especially relatives and close, close friends) and sadly, sometimes that visit meant shedding some tears.

We know that at any age, sick and disease can take hold to our frail human bodies; however, as our population ages, it’s more likely that we will be visiting our elders as they approach the end of life.

I’ve spoken to medical professionals, clergy and caregivers and gathered etiquette considerations for visiting those persons.

8 life etiquette tips for visiting the sick

  • Please call and arrange a time to visit. There are numerous considerations concerning time, feeding, bathing, dispensing of medication and a sleep schedule. Do not be offended if the caregiver gives you specific times to visit rather than allowing you to stop by at your convenience.
  • Ask if it’s OK to bring something for the sick person to eat or drink. That person may be on a restricted diet or may not be taking food at all.
  • On that note, it is also considerate to bring something for the family/other visitors if you’re visiting a home. If you do not know the person’s likes and dislikes, ask. Some general things that are usually needed include bottled water and/or juice; fruit, sandwich fixings, prepared meals. Remember to include paper towels, napkins, even disposable cutlery and cups. We live in a diverse world, so, again, if you don’t know, ask.
  • Be as clean as you can and be prepared to take your shoes off if visiting a home (bring clean indoor shoes if you must wear shoes). Also, be prepared to wash your hands, use sanitizer and/or wear a mask.
  • Be willing to sit in silence. Your presence and your positive energy are important, not necessarily a whole lot of chatter.  I’ve actually been told that too much talking can be disturbing to the sick.
  • While we’re on the topic of speaking, remember to tone it down. Some of us can be too loud. You might say, “Well, I’m just loud” or “That’s just the way I talk!” But this isn’t about you. Keep the volume low.
  • Keep your visits short. A 10-, 15- or 20-minute visit is long enough. I know that it may seem cold, but according to my “research,” — depending on the degree and extent of the illness — the energy of visitors can be “draining” and de-energizing for the person who is ill.
  • Should you bring flowers or a gift? Well, that depends. Again, ask. Besides the physical and emotional aspects of caring for the ill, families and caregivers are often faced with the stress, weight and worry of financial demands, as well. Perhaps a gift card or a monetary gift would better help to meet the needs of that family.

Do you have any etiquette tips related to visiting the sick? Please share them with me at jmitchell@spokesman-recorder.com.

This article originally appeared in the Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder

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Activism

San Francisco Foundation Celebrates 76th Anniversary

“I’m not going to sugarcoat it: the past couple of years have been tough. From uncertainty about the future of our nation to ongoing wars and violence globally to Supreme Court decisions that rolled back decades of work on racial equity and reproductive rights – it’s easy to become cynical and fatigued,” said San Francisco Foundation CEO Fred Blackwell. 

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San Francisco Foundation CEO Fred Blackwell, SFF Programs Vice President Raquiba Labrie and Gay Plair Cobb, trustee emerita at the foundation’s 76th anniversary at The Pearl in San Francisco. Photo by Conway Jones.
San Francisco Foundation CEO Fred Blackwell, SFF Programs Vice President Raquiba Labrie and Gay Plair Cobb, trustee emerita at the foundation’s 76th anniversary at The Pearl in San Francisco. Photo by Conway Jones.

By Conway Jones

The San Francisco Foundation celebrated the 76th anniversary of its founding in 1964 on Thursday, Oct. 24, at The Pearl in San Francisco.

Over 150 people came together with members of the SFF community whose intent was to fulfill the promise of the Bay: democracy, racial equity, affordable housing, and more.

A fireside chat featured SFF CEO Fred Blackwell in conversation with KQED Chief Content Officer and SFF Trustee Holly Kernan.

“I’m not going to sugarcoat it: the past couple of years have been tough. From uncertainty about the future of our nation to ongoing wars and violence globally to Supreme Court decisions that rolled back decades of work on racial equity and reproductive rights – it’s easy to become cynical and fatigued,” said Blackwell.

“Resolve is what is necessary to keep us moving forward in the face of attacks on DEI and affirmative action, of an economy that undervalues arts and caretaking, of a housing shortage that keeps too many of our neighbors sleeping in the streets,” he continued.

Youth Speaks provided poetry and a musical performance by Audiopharmacy, a world-renowned hip-hop ensemble and cultural community arts collective.

The San Francisco Foundation is one of the largest community foundations in the United States. Its mission is to mobilize community leaders, nonprofits, government agencies, and donors to advance racial equity, diversity, and economic opportunity.

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Black History

Martial Artist Victor Moore: An American Karate and Kickboxing Pioneer

Throughout his career, Moore defeated many national champions, including Joe Lewis, Mike Stone, and Bill “Superfoot” Wallace. Moore placed in every tournament he competed in from 1965 until his retirement in 1975, defeating renowned national champions such as Mike Foster, Chuck Norris, Fred Wren, Glenn Keeney, James Hawkes, and Jim Kelly. Moore emphasizes that winning or losing does not diminish a champion’s credibility — they are all champions in his eyes.

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Photo Courtesy of BlackPast.Org
Photo Courtesy of BlackPast.Org

By Tamara Shiloh

Victor Moore, born on Aug. 23, 1943, holds a 10th-degree Black Belt in Karate and is a four-time world karate champion.

As one of the chief instructors under Robert Trias in the Shuri-ryu Karate system, Moore was also among the first ten members of the Trias International Society. Over his 50-year martial arts career, he trained in various styles, including Chito-ryu with William J. Dometrich, Judo, Kempo, and Bondo karate.

Moore began his martial arts journey at the age of 7 in Cincinnati, lifting weights and reading Charles Atlas books to guide his training. By age 9, he had learned the basics of jujitsu and judo, and at 12, he began training in Kempo karate under Ronald Williams, who awarded him his first black belt after five years of instruction.

In 1961, Moore expanded his training by joining a judo school led by Ray Hughes and later trained in Gyu Ryu-karate under Harvey Eubanks. He studied Kempo with Bill Dometrich and continued exploring different karate styles. Instructors at the time, required students to start as white belts in each new style, even if they held black belts elsewhere, which shaped Moore’s adaptability.

Chung Ling, an exchange student from China, introduced Moore and others to Chuan Fa, enhancing Moore’s understanding of martial arts. He also took up judo at a school in Cincinnati, where he earned his brown belt, and trained in karate with Jim Wax, who had studied under the Shimabuku brothers. Moore’s toughness was further honed by his boxing experience at the 9th Street YMCA, where he became a sparring partner for Tiger Joe Harris.

At Central State University, Professor Barry Yasuto trained Moore in Shotokan karate, but Moore was denied entry to the Japanese Karate Association, possibly due to his race. After returning to Cincinnati, Moore opened his first karate school and began competing in national tournaments. He traveled across the U.S., eventually meeting Robert Trias, who became his mentor and helped him rise to the second-degree black belt level. Under Trias, Moore continued training in Kempo and Goju-Ryu styles.

Moore also trained under Dr. Maung Gyi, learning Bondo karate, stick fighting, and kickboxing. In 1973, Moore and Joe Lewis introduced kickboxing to America on the Merv Griffin TV show. Moore competed in the first kickboxing tournament in the U.S., facing Jim Harrison in a historic fight.

Throughout his career, Moore defeated many national champions, including Joe Lewis, Mike Stone, and Bill “Superfoot” Wallace. Moore placed in every tournament he competed in from 1965 until his retirement in 1975, defeating renowned national champions such as Mike Foster, Chuck Norris, Fred Wren, Glenn Keeney, James Hawkes, and Jim Kelly. Moore emphasizes that winning or losing does not diminish a champion’s credibility — they are all champions in his eyes.

Moore continues to teach martial arts, working with instructors and students nationwide. His daughters, Vickie and Vonnie, and his son, Vanceston, also train under his guidance.

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Activism

Oakland Students Reflect on Their Journey Voting for the First Time in Local Elections

In 2020, the measure that allowed youth voting, Measure QQ, passed with 68% of the vote but was delayed for four years at the county level while the Alameda Registrar of Voters figured out a plan to implement the right voting software that recognized teen voters. Students wanted a voice in district decisions that directly impacted them, such as school closures, which was what prompted the fight for teen voting.

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Oakland Youth Vote hosting a candidate forum at Fremont High School to better learn where director candidates stand on important issues. Photo by Magaly Muñoz.
Oakland Youth Vote hosting a candidate forum at Fremont High School to better learn where director candidates stand on important issues. Photo by Magaly Muñoz.

By Magaly Muñoz

In less than a week, Oakland students will have crossed the final step in their five-year journey to vote in local school board elections. The energy that the teens have had over the last year has been “nothing short of exciting,” many have said.

In 2020, the measure that allowed youth voting, Measure QQ, passed with 68% of the vote but was delayed for four years at the county level while the Alameda Registrar of Voters figured out a plan to implement the right voting software that recognized teen voters.

Students wanted a voice in district decisions that directly impacted them, such as school closures, which was what prompted the fight for teen voting.

Other problems that students raised concerns with involved bathroom cleanliness, lack of student resources, and public safety at their schools.

Ojugo, a student at Oakland High School, said her biggest issue was teacher retention. She explained that it’s become normal for teachers to leave partway through the school year, and students are left with a sub, forcing them to learn on their own through online classes.

“We’ve already experienced the online learning style. I think most of us can agree that is not the way to go. And I feel like it degrades your learning ability,” Ojugo said.

She said that the process has been an exciting one but also nerve-wracking. She fears that there won’t be a big turnout or that this new voting ability will somehow be swiped out from under students. Regardless, she is happy to have been a part of the journey.

Chiagozim, also an Oakland High student, said the journey has been stressful, but fun at the same time. She joined the Oakland Youth Vote group this year but has seen bits and pieces of the campaigning for teen voting for the last few years.

The most challenging part of this political process has been getting eligible students to engage with wanting to vote, she said. Freshmen and sophomores have been more inclined to want to learn about school board voting, but juniors and seniors have seemed to brush off the subject.

The new voting charter only allows 16- and 17-year-olds to participate in the school board elections, which means that current underclassmen will likely be unable to vote for a district director for another two years until 2026.

Overall, Chiagozim shared that students have been thrilled to finally have a voice and show the school board that their voice matters.

“I hope [this journey] tells them that we are educated, we know what we want, and we know what we want to do, because if we were able to persevere for the past five years and it’s been finally implemented now, that shows something from us,” Chiagozim said.

Nidya Baez, principal at Fremont High School, has been organizing for youth voting since 2019 and is impressed with the way students have carried on this fight for years, even after they graduate and move on to new things.

People don’t always agree on every issue, Baez said, but they can agree on the need for civic engagement. She added the students involved in the teen voting coalition have continued to keep an open mind about other students of different backgrounds and views.

As they reach the end of the road for this part of their fight, Baez thinks this new process will hold board directors responsible. She explained that students are not afforded the same rights as adults, and because of that, adults make decisions without them or their interests in mind.

“I think this will show that young people want to be involved and are the experts in their experience,” Baez said. “Nothing about us, without us.”

Oakland Youth Vote signage encouraging students to register to vote in the local school board director races. Photo by Magaly Muñoz.

Oakland Youth Vote signage encouraging students to register to vote in the local school board director races. Photo by Magaly Muñoz.

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