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Rape’s Other Victims

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Tiffany Perry, a child of rape, says that there are no services targeted to people conceived through sexual assault. (Photo by Tiffany Perry)

Tiffany Perry, a child of rape, says that there are no services targeted to people conceived through sexual assault. (Photo by Tiffany Perry)

By Jazelle Hunt
NNPA Washington Correspondent

SECOND IN A SERIES

WASHINGTON (NNPA) – The first time Tiffany Perry learned about her conception, she was too innocent to fully understand the gentle explanation her mother was offering, too young to process such a heavy and complicated behavior.

What she distinctly remembers is watching “Oprah” with her mom a few years later, as a 10-year-old. It was the television episode in which Oprah revealed to the world that she was a rape survivor.

“When [Oprah] said herself, and started crying…my mom just fell apart,” the 39-year-old Jersey City, N.J. native recounted. “I tried to console her, but she was inconsolable. It was just so intense.”

At 15 years old, Perry’s mother was raped by her foster mother’s 21-year-old married son. His wife had invited Perry’s mother into their home to babysit their child and to escape her foster mother’s wrath.

Her foster brother raped her repeatedly for two weeks, sometimes at knifepoint. Despite being a virgin at the time and under the care of the state, few people bothered to inquire about the details of the pregnancy. Plus, the fact that he had threatened to kill her, kept Perry’s mother silent.

“Maybe, as a Black person, they just saw this as another teenage pregnancy, and nobody really asked any questions,” Perry said, trying to explain the unexplainable. “I can’t say with certainty…but I’m thinking that if she was White in a foster home and her belly started to grow, then maybe a flag would’ve went up somewhere and somebody would’ve investigated more as to why this foster child is pregnant.”

In subsequent years, freed by the Oprah episode, Perry’s mother became more forthcoming.

“As I grew up, she told me more details of the attack. It was like she had been carrying this around the whole time.”
But opening that door triggered another set of emotions in Perry.

“I went through different feelings of inadequacy, feeling like I had to overcompensate because I was a child of a rape. Even now, when I say the word ‘inadequate,’ I get choked up,” she said, her voice trembling with emotion.

“My mom was awesome, she never talked down to me….my mom always praised me, always gave me love,” Perry said. “But I felt like…I owed it to her to be perfect so she doesn’t feel like keeping me was a mistake.”

And there was the question of what she would say when asked about her father. Perry chose to say that he was dead, that he had left, or that she didn’t know him, depending on the questioner. But even while denying his existence, there was also a deep craving to know about this man, wherever he was.

Wanted to know her roots

More than anything else, she did not want her mother to feel badly.

“I didn’t rape her, but when I was younger, I used to feel like it was my fault,” she recalled. “The dreams that she probably could have fulfilled – if she had stayed that innocent virgin who wanted to be a lawyer – she wasn’t going to be able to fulfill those because I was here.”

Instead of pursuing her dreams, Perry’s mother had to shift her focus, looking after the needs of an infant rather than look forward to a career as an attorney.

“Sometimes she was a little more paranoid than I would think is regular,” Perry said. “When I was growing up my mom was so strict, or smothering, when it came down to me, particularly.”

Once, her mother sent her to the corner store for a few items. There, she ran into a family friend, an older man. He offered to buy her something – she chose cookies – and they parted ways.

She thought nothing of it – until her mother went into a rage.

“She flew off the handle. She beat me with an extension cord. And she told me, ‘Don’t ever accept anything from a man, they can’t be trusted, you don’t know their intentions.’ I’m six. I don’t have a clue what she is talking about.

“She cried. When I got older and reminded her about the incident, she explained to me that she didn’t trust anybody, she didn’t trust any man. And she wanted me to be extra careful. She wanted to put that fear in me.”

It instilled both fear and confusion, blurring the lines of what was acceptable with the boys and men in her world.

“It’s just assumed whenever a woman gets raped, she never gets pregnant, or if she does get pregnant, the child is automatically aborted or adopted,” she said. “There’s this group of people who’ve been conceived by rape and nobody ever discusses us. I want to talk about it because we exist. I exist.”

Unresolved trauma

Philadelphia-based author, activist, and scholar Ewuare Osayande wasn’t born of this violence, but also grew up in its shadow.

His mother spent her childhood at the mercy of a sexually abusive stepfather. The oldest of eight children, she was the only one who was not his blood-relative. The abuse was the family’s open secret. She grew up to date, marry, and divorce abusive men.

Justice Department data show that Black women are more likely than their White counterparts to be assaulted, sexually and otherwise by strangers and by family members.

“It was never the case where my mother cowered in the face of her abuse. She didn’t hold her tongue, she always spoke her mind,” Osayande said.

Today, Osayande is the creator of Project ONUS: Redefining Black Manhood, a series of anti-sexist workshops for Black men. It took time and life experiences before he was able to connect the dots and realize how his mother’s abuse – some he had witnessed, some he had not – had affected his own development.

“That processing has been life-long,” he explained. “I’m a divorcée. In that relationship, I found myself becoming like the men I swore for years I would never be. It never got to the point where I became physically abusive, but certainly emotionally abusive.”

As the son of a rape and abuse survivor, and as a formerly abusive person, he also realized he had to address his own internal conflicts and beliefs.

“It’s been a very real, clear determination on my part to make sense of the life I’ve experienced as a Black man, in a gendered way,” he explained. “It’s been my desire to become an effective ally in that struggle, in that engagement in the world in which Black women exist, and experience.”

Secondary survivors need help

In the sea of services for survivors, most resources geared toward family and friends coach them on how to best support the survivor in their life. Although crisis centers and hotlines are equipped to aid and counsel family and friends of survivors, few resources address the challenges these relatives face.

The book, I Will Survive: The African American Guide to Healing from Sexual Assault and Abuse, cites a study that draws parallels between the emotions of boyfriends and husbands of women who have been sexually assaulted, and the wives and girlfriends of war veterans.

“Not surprisingly, past or recent sexual trauma can present unique challenges for the survivor’s partner,” writes Lori Robinson, author of the book. “You are a victim too. Some experts call you the secondary victim. After all you are experiencing many of the same emotions sexual assault victims feel.”

Tiffany Perry’s breaking point came about 20 years ago. A probation officer contacted her out of the blue, looking for her father. He had given her name and birthdate as his next-of-kin. She learned that not only did he know about her, but he knew where she lived. To this day, the two live less than an hour apart. She has never contacted him, but has learned a bit about his life via a cousin and aunt on Facebook.

Perry’s mother remains her primary source of support.

“When I went to go look for support groups for children of rape victims or children conceived out of rape, they’re pretty much nonexistent,” Perry says. “[Rape] is so common we don’t even cringe when we hear about it. Rape is inhumane, and people are not treating it like it’s inhumane. They just treat it like ‘Well, it happens.’”

 

NEXT WEEK: Should we have faith in the faith community?


PART I: Rape and the myth of the “Strong Black Woman”

(The project was made possible by a grant from the National Health Journalism Fellowship, a program of the University of Southern California Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism.)

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Activism

Oakland Post: Week of November 20 – 26, 2024

The printed Weekly Edition of the Oakland Post: Week of November 20 – 26, 2024

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PRESS ROOM: Clyburn, Pressley, Scanlon, Colleagues Urge Biden to Use Clemency Power to Address Mass Incarceration Before Leaving Office

NNPA NEWSWIRE — Mass incarceration remains a persistent, systemic injustice that erodes the soul of America. Our nation has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with nearly two million people locked in jails and prisons throughout the country.

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Watch the press conference here.

WASHINGTON, DC – Today, Congressman James E. Clyburn (SC-06), Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley (MA-07), and Congresswoman Mary Gay Scanlon (PA-05) led 60 of their colleagues in sending a letter to President Biden urging him to use his executive clemency power in the final months of his presidency to reunite families, address longstanding injustices in our legal system, and set our nation on the path toward ending mass incarceration.

The lawmakers hosted a press conference earlier today to discuss the letter. A full video of their press conference is available here and photos are available here.

“Now is the time to use your clemency authority to rectify unjust and unnecessary criminal laws passed by Congress and draconian sentences given by judges,” the lawmakers wrote in their letter. “The grant of pardons and commutations and the restoration of rights will undoubtedly send a powerful message across the country in support of fundamental fairness and furthering meaningful criminal justice reform.”

Mass incarceration remains a persistent, systemic injustice that erodes the soul of America. Our nation has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with nearly two million people locked in jails and prisons throughout the country. The extreme use of incarceration has resulted in one in two adults having had an incarcerated family member. People of color are disproportionately put behind bars, along with individuals from low-income communities, LGBTQIA+ folks, and those with disabilities. The bloated prison system reflects and emboldens biases that undermine the ideals of our nation and diminish trust in the rule of law. Mass incarceration attacks the most vulnerable Americans, thereby destabilizing families and inflicting intergenerational trauma.

In their letter to President Biden, the lawmakers praised the President’s efforts to create a fair and just criminal legal system by pardoning people convicted of simple marijuana possession and LGBTQ+ former servicemembers and urged the President to use his clemency powers to help broad classes of people and cases, including the elderly and chronically ill, those on death row, people with unjustified sentencing disparities, and women who were punished for defending themselves against their abusers. The lawmakers also outlined the fiscal toll of the growing mass incarceration crisis.

“You have the support of millions of people across the country who have felt the harms of mass incarceration: young children longing to hug their grandparents, people who have taken responsibility for their mistakes, and those who simply were never given a fair chance,” the lawmakers wrote. “These are the people seeking help that only you can provide through the use of your presidential clemency power.”

Joining Representatives Clyburn, Pressley, and Scanlon in sending the letter are Representatives Joyce Beatty, Sanford Bishop, Shontel Brown, Cori Bush, André Carson, Troy Carter, Yvette Clarke, Jasmine Crockett, Valerie Foushee, Al Green, Jahana Hayes, Steven Horsford, Jonathan Jackson, Pramila Jayapal, Henry Johnson, Sydney Kamlager-Dove, Robin Kelly, Summer Lee, Jennifer McClellan, Gregory Meeks, Delia Ramirez, Jan Schakowsky, Robert Scott, Terri Sewell, Marilyn Strickland, Bennie Thompson, Rashida Tlaib, and Bonnie Watson Coleman.

The lawmakers’ letter is supported by the American Civil Liberties Union; Center for Popular Democracy; Last Prisoner Project; Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights Under Law; Death Penalty Action; The National Council for Incarcerated and Formerly Incarcerated Women and Girls; The Faith Leaders of Color Coalition; Second Chance Justice of MCAN; JustLeadershipUSA; FAMM; The Episcopal Church; The Bambi Fund; Free Billie Allen Campaign; People’s Coalition for Safety and Freedom; Prophetic Resistance Boston; and Families Against Mandatory Minimums.

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Tennessee State University Set to Debut the First Division I Hockey Team at An HBCU

THE AFRO — “I am incredibly excited to embark on building this program, supported by God, my family, TSU students, alumni, and all those eagerly awaiting this moment,” said Duanté Abercrombie, the head coach of the Tennessee State Tigers ice hockey team, in a press release courtesy of TSU Athletics. “I firmly believe that one day, TSU will be recognized not only as a powerhouse on the ice but also as a program whose student-athletes leave a profound legacy on the world, enriched by the lessons learned at TSU.”

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By Mekhi Abbott
Special to the AFRO
mabbott@afro.com

Tennessee State University (TSU) continues to break ground on a historic journey to become the first historically Black college or university (HBCU) to field a National Collegiate Athletic Association Division I ice hockey team. Alongside some assistance from the National Hockey League (NHL), the NHL Players’ Association and the Nashville Predators, the TSU Tigers have already named their official head coach, unveiled their jersey and received their first official commitment from a student-athlete.

TSU held an official press conference to announce the plan in June 2023. Their first official season as a sanctioned Division I program is planned to commence in 2025-26. On April 18, TSU named Duanté Abercrombie as the head coach of the Tennessee State Tigers ice hockey team.

“I am incredibly excited to embark on building this program, supported by God, my family, TSU students, alumni, and all those eagerly awaiting this moment,” said Abercrombie in a press release courtesy of TSU Athletics. “I firmly believe that one day, TSU will be recognized not only as a powerhouse on the ice but also as a program whose student-athletes leave a profound legacy on the world, enriched by the lessons learned at TSU.”

Abercrombie was raised in Washington, D.C., and was mentored by hockey legend Neal Henderson, the first Black man to be inducted into the United States Hockey Hall of Fame. Abercrombie attended Gonzaga College High School and graduated from Hampton University, where he was a track and field athlete prior to retiring due to an injury. After college, Abercrombie briefly played professional hockey in both the New Zealand Ice Hockey League as well as the Federal Hockey League.

After his career as a professional hockey player, Abercrombie moved onto coaching, including stints with his alma mater Gonzaga and Georgetown Preparatory School. In 2022-23, Abercrombie was a member of the coaching staff for NHL’s Toronto Maple Leafs organization.

“We are no longer doing club play in 2024-25. We are going right into D1 play for 2025-26,” Nick Guerriero told the AFRO. Guerriero is the assistant athletic director of communications and creative content at Tennessee State.

On Jan. 19, TSU got their first official commitment from an ice hockey recruit, Xavier Abel. Abel played at Drury University and scored 12 goals in 34 games, including three game-winning goals. Abel was recruited by Guerriero.

In July, the Tigers got their second commitment from forward Trey Fechko. In October, Trey’s brother Marcus Fechko also committed to Tennessee State. Since, the Tigers have also signed forward Greye Rampton, goaltender Johnny Hicks, Grady Hoffman and four-star forward Bowden Singleton. Singleton flipped his commitment from North Dakota to Tennessee State. Guerriero said that TSU has a “few” other recruits that they are waiting to announce during their November signing period.

“I think it’s important to invest in these unorthodox sports for Black athletes because it allows Black children to have more opportunities to play sports in general,” said Zion Williams, a 2024 Gettysburg College graduate and former collegiate athlete. “The more opportunities that children have, the better. They won’t feel like they are boxed into one thing or sport.”

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