Family
You Had Me At Hello: ‘It’s easier when your spouse is your best friend and has your back’
THE BIRMINGHAM TIMES — “You Had Me at Hello’’ highlights married couples and the love that binds them
By Anita Debro
“You Had Me at Hello’’ highlights married couples and the love that binds them. If you would like to be considered for a future “Hello’’ column, or know someone who would, please send nominations to Erica Wright at ewright@birminghamtimes.com. Include the couple’s name, contact number(s) and what makes their love story unique.
SAMANTHA AND TONY WILLIAMS
Live: Calera
Married: November 2, 2013
Met: Tony and Samantha met virtually in 2006 on MySpace. They were both high schoolers in Tuscaloosa who had friends in common on the social media website. One of Samantha’s friends was dating one of Tony’s friends. The two started messaging on MySpace for about a month before they made plans to meet in person.
First date: A group date to the movies was set to be the couple’s first face-to-face meeting. “He didn’t show up.” Samantha said. “I was nervous,” Tony countered. “I wasn’t sure she was who she said she was.” Samantha said she was stuck on the group date with no date, but she would decide to give him another chance.
Take two: Tony called Samantha after standing her up and “made up some excuse,” he recalled. But the two agreed on a second “first date” this time at University Mall in Tuscaloosa. This time, Tony showed up with a cousin in tow. “I actually didn’t like him when we finally met,” Samantha said.
“I was shy and awkward,” Tony said.
“I was outgoing and energetic,” Samantha said.
But on the telephone, Samantha recalled, Tony was a different person. Sparks didn’t fly for the two, but a friendship did. That friendship eventually became a relationship. Tony invited Samantha to the Tuscaloosa County High School JROTC Military Ball and that night they kissed and made it official.
“She was my first girlfriend,” Tony said. “I just got lucky.”
College years: Tony graduated from high school one year ahead of Samantha and went to Shelton State Community College. Samantha finished high school the following year and went to Auburn University. Tony followed her to attend Southern Union State Community College in Opelika. During this time, the couple said they laid the foundation for a strong relationship built on friendship and “having each other’s backs.” When Samantha graduated from Auburn, the couple moved to Birmingham for work.
The proposal: May 2013, Tony told Samantha that he had won a gift certificate to Flemings Steakhouse Restaurant. That night, Samantha said Tony was acting strangely. “He kept getting phone calls,” she said. “I am a very inquisitive person, so I eventually figured out something was going on.” After the dinner, Tony took her back to their apartment complex’s swimming pool, put a blindfold on Samantha and when she took it off family and friends were around the pool shouting “Surprise.” Tony then proposed.
The wedding: The couple wed at Hilton Perimeter Park hotel off US 280 in Birmingham. It was a day Samantha said she would not forget for various reasons. “Nothing went the way I planned,” she laughed. “Our wedding coordinator was late, she forgot to put out the aisle runner, there were issues with the florists. It was a mess.”
Tony saw it differently. “It was one of the best days of my life,” he said. Both said they were one of the first in their families to marry, so for many family members theirs was the first wedding they had attended. Samantha said she was thankful that her grandmother was able to be there since she passed away shortly afterwards.
Words of Wisdom: The couple dated for about seven years before marrying and said marriage made their bond stronger. “When you are dating and you have an argument you can just walk away,” Samantha said. “But when you are married you have to commit to work on those issues.” Tony said couples should consider seriously whether they are prepared for marriage which should not be taken lightly, he said. “Make sure that you are going to marry your best friend.”
Samantha agreed. “You need to be more than his wife and he needs to be more than your husband. Marriage is work and it makes it easier when that other person is your best friend and has your back.”
Happily ever after: Tony works at Motion Industries and Samantha works at Innovation Depot in Birmingham for Bio GX. The couple has an 8-month old daughter Raegan Grace. Currently, their favorite thing to do is stay home, watch movies and relax.
This article originally appeared in The Birmingham Times.
Activism
MacArthur Fellow Dorothy Roberts’ Advocates Restructure of Child Welfare System
Roberts’s early work focused on Black women’s reproductive rights and their fight for reproductive justice. In “Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty 1997)”, she analyzes historical and contemporary policies and practices that denied agency to Black women and sought to control their childbearing—from forced procreation during slavery, to coercive sterilization and welfare reform—and advocates for an expanded understanding of reproductive freedom.
Special to The Post
When grants were announced Oct. 1, it was noted that eight of the 22 MacArthur Fellows were African American. Among the recipients of the so-called ‘genius grants’ are scholars, visual and media artists a poet/writer, historian, and dancer/choreographer who each receive $800,000 over a five-year period to spend as they see fit.
Their names are Ruha Benjamin, Jericho Brown, Tony Cokes, Jennifer L. Morgan, Ebony G. Patterson, Shamel Pitts, Jason Reynolds, and Dorothy Roberts. This is the eighth and last in the series highlighting the Black awardees. The report below on Dorothy Roberts is excerpted from the MacArthur Fellows web site.
A graduate of Yale University with a law degree from Harvard, Dorothy Roberts is a legal scholar and public policy researcher exposing racial inequities embedded within health and social service systems.
Sine 2012, she has been a professor of Law and Sociology, and on the faculty in the department of Africana Studies at the University of Pennsylvania.
Roberts’s work encompasses reproductive health, bioethics, and child welfare. She sheds light on systemic inequities, amplifies the voices of those directly affected, and boldly calls for wholesale transformation of existing systems.
Roberts’s early work focused on Black women’s reproductive rights and their fight for reproductive justice. In “Killing the Black Body: Race, Reproduction, and the Meaning of Liberty 1997)”, she analyzes historical and contemporary policies and practices that denied agency to Black women and sought to control their childbearing—from forced procreation during slavery, to coercive sterilization and welfare reform—and advocates for an expanded understanding of reproductive freedom.
This work prompted Roberts to examine the treatment of children of color in the U.S. child welfare system.
After nearly two decades of research and advocacy work alongside parents, social workers, family defense lawyers, and organizations, Roberts has concluded that the current child welfare system is in fact a system of family policing with alarmingly unequal practices and outcomes. Her 2001 book, “Shattered Bonds: The Color of Child Welfare,” details the outsized role that race and class play in determining who is subject to state intervention and the results of those interventions.
Through interviews with Chicago mothers who had interacted with Child Protective Services (CPS), Roberts shows that institutions regularly punish the effects of poverty as neglect.
CPS disproportionately investigates Black and Indigenous families, especially if they are low-income, and children from these families are much more likely than white children to be removed from their families after CPS referral.
In “Torn Apart: How the Child Welfare System Destroys Black Families—and How Abolition Can Build a Safer World (2022),” Roberts traces the historical, cultural, and political forces driving the racial and class imbalance in child welfare interventions.
These include stereotypes about Black parents as negligent, devaluation of Black family bonds, and stigmatization of parenting practices that fall outside a narrow set of norms.
She also shows that blaming marginalized individuals for structural problems, while ignoring the historical roots of economic and social inequality, fails families and communities.
Roberts argues that the engrained oppressive features of the current system render it beyond repair. She calls for creating an entirely new approach focused on supporting families rather than punishing them.
Her support for dismantling the current child welfare system is unsettling to some. Still, her provocation inspires many to think more critically about its poor track record and harmful design.
By uncovering the complex forces underlying social systems and institutions, and uplifting the experiences of people caught up in them, Roberts creates opportunities to imagine and build more equitable and responsive ways to ensure child and family safety.
California Black Media
California Department of Aging Offers Free Resources for Family Caregivers in November
In honor of National Family Caregivers Month this November, the California Department of Aging (CDA) is spotlighting a range of free resources to support caregivers of older adults and individuals with disabilities. Through its extensive network of Caregiver Resource Centers (CRCs) and Area Agencies on Aging (AAAs), the state provides essential tools to help caregivers manage their responsibilities while prioritizing their own health and well-being.
By Bo Tefu, California Black Media
In honor of National Family Caregivers Month this November, the California Department of Aging (CDA) is spotlighting a range of free resources to support caregivers of older adults and individuals with disabilities. Through its extensive network of Caregiver Resource Centers (CRCs) and Area Agencies on Aging (AAAs), the state provides essential tools to help caregivers manage their responsibilities while prioritizing their own health and well-being. Resources offered include free education and training, counseling services, respite care, and financial and legal assistance.
“Caregiving is a great act of love, and this month — and every day — we uplift California’s caregivers as the under-recognized backbone of our families and communities,” said Susan DeMarois, director of the CDA. DeMarois emphasized the need for caregivers to access available support to better balance their roles without compromising their own health.
California is home to more than 4.5 million unpaid family caregivers, who contribute an estimated $81 billion annually in economic value through their care. Most caregivers are women who balance work, family, and caregiving responsibilities, often at the cost of their physical and emotional health. Given California’s aging population, the demand for caregiver support is rapidly growing, underscoring the importance of these free resources.
Thousands of caregivers accessed these services in the 2022-2023 fiscal year, benefiting from tools like professional care management and respite support. The Aging in California Resource Guide, available in six languages, offers additional information on caregiver support.
Caregivers can learn more about available resources by visiting the CDA website at aging.ca.gov and connecting with local CRCs or AAAs to discover personalized services to support them in their caregiving journey.
Community
Advocates: Calif.’s Maternal Health Blueprint Ignores Systemic Racism, Community Solutions
Black mothers in California experience a maternal mortality rate that is three times above the state average. The California Coalition for Black Birth Justice Co-Founder and Executive Director Dana Sherrod said although Black women have higher rates of chronic conditions going into pregnancy, the root cause of their high maternal mortality rate is racism.
By McKenzie Jackson, California Black Media
Black mothers in California experience a maternal mortality rate that is three times above the state average.
The California Coalition for Black Birth Justice Co-Founder and Executive Director Dana Sherrod said although Black women have higher rates of chronic conditions going into pregnancy, the root cause of their high maternal mortality rate is racism.
“When all things are equal when we look at protective factors — education level, healthy weight, marital status — they aren’t as protective for Black women,” she explained.
“We see Black women without pre-existing conditions, who have protective factors and are still fairing worse — having worse birthing outcomes, added Sherrod.
To reduce the maternal mortality rate for all women in the state, particularly Black women, California Surgeon General Dr. Diana E. Ramos unveiled the California Maternal Health Blueprint and announced the Strong Start & Beyond movement in September.
The 20-page blueprint serves as a strategic framework for improving reproductive and maternal health by cutting the maternal mortality in the state by 50% by December 2026. The blueprint also calls for reproductive-aged individuals to understand the health risks they could encounter in future pregnancies by completing a questionnaire over the next 25 months.
In her announcement, Ramos highlighted that the best way to ensure a newborn’s health is to ensure the health of the mother.
“By leveraging powerful partnerships and pioneering cutting-edge solutions,” she said, “we can help California mothers, pregnant people, and newborns have a strong start and healthy future.”
Late last month though, Sherrod, and various health advocates and experts — midwives, doulas, physicians, and community organizations — sent a six-page letter to Ramos urging her to delay actions the blueprint recommends due to concerns they have about omissions and oversights in the document.
Sherrod says moving forward with the blueprint as it is may “cause harm” to Black and Indigenous communities.” She says there are shortcomings in the document’s development process, and its analyses blame individuals for health challenges rather than addressing systemic failures.”
“Black women, in particular, have been pushing against these harmful narratives for years, and this feels like a significant step backward,” Sherrod said.
Members of the collective met with Ramos, according to Sherrod, but the surgeon general seemed to be moving forward with the blueprint.
“We are hoping to have an open dialogue to redirect some of the strategies in the blueprint,” Sherrod said.
In an email to California Black Media last week, the Office of the California Surgeon General expressed its commitment to engaging the community to enhance existing programs that support new mothers during the postpartum period.
“The immediate opportunity for the community lies in the fact that over 62% of maternal deaths occur after delivery, when the mom is at home and in the community,” the statement read. “Community resources will be the bridge between the healthcare system and the pregnant person and new moms.”
“The most impactful action in reducing maternal mortality among Black mothers is for local community programs serving Black mothers to cross collaborate with other state and local communities and existing programs to increase awareness of resources for mothers before, during, and after pregnancy,” the office said.
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