Family
YOU HAD ME AT HELLO: ‘It’s just a great joy to give love and to be loved’
THE BIRMINGHAM TIMES — “You Had Me at Hello’’ highlights married couples and the love that binds them.
By Je’Don Holloway-Talley Special to the Birmingham Times
“You Had Me at Hello’’ highlights married couples and the love that binds them. If you would like to be considered for a future “Hello’’ column, or know someone, please send nominations to Erica Wright ewright@birminghamtimes.com. Include the couple’s name, contact number(s) and what makes their love story unique.
Live: Pinson
Married: June 5, 1982
Met: Arthur and Daveina got to know each other on the porch in front of Daveina’s home in the late ’70s on Birmingham’s west side. Daveina, then 15, was a sophomore at West End High School while Arthur, then 19, a Powderly Hills native who had attended Wenonah High School, was a freshman at Alabama State University (ASU).
The two were introduced by a mutual friend. “He was in college and I wasn’t quite at the driving age, I had my permit,” Daveina said. Arthur said, “I used to date her from her porch. We spent a lot of weekends on that porch before I was ever able to take her out.” However, they spent a lot of hours on the phone, he remembered. “That’s when folks used to have to wait in line to talk on the house phone (in the college dorm), Arthur said.
First date: “We went to see [the film] Amityville Horror, and for a steak dinner at Sizzler Steakhouse,” Daveina said, “but not before we took a drive around town. He took me to his summer co-op job at Century 21, and it impressed me to see a young guy wanting to be in business.”
Daveina said she was able to see their future on their first date. But, it would be five years before they went on another date. “Our lives took different turns,” she said. “He got into other serious relationships. I got into some serious relationships.”
The Turn: They would reunite where they began from five years before: on her front porch. “I was getting ready to come out of college (Clark Atlanta), and he had really invested in his [real estate] career…,” Daveina said. “We reconnected when I came home for Thanksgiving, but we rekindled when I came home for Christmas [that year]. I stayed for the whole three weeks and we dated and had a great time and nurtured our relationship all the way through New Year’s,” Daveina said.
The proposal: “We were together New Year’s Day, her mother was cooking dinner for all of us….and I asked her outside and said ‘we’re going to start the New Year off right. I know you’re the one for me, and I‘d like to spend the rest of my life with you and I’d like to make you my wife’ then I said, ‘do you want to marry me?’,” Arthur said.
“We kissed, I said, ‘Yes, I will,’” Daveina remembered, “then we went back inside and he got down on his knee in front of my parents and asked my daddy for my hand in the dining room. The next day, we got up and we went and found my ring and he gave it to me the following day on my birthday [January 3),” she said.
The wedding: Vulcan Museum and Park. The colors were blush pink, and silver
“We got married in Vulcan Park, everything was real nice,” Daveina said. “It rained and after it stopped there was a big rainbow in the sky, you can see it in one of our pictures,” she said.
“We danced to Frankie Beverly and Maze all night, when everybody got ready to leave out they were singing going down the steps,” Arthur said, “they were singing ‘Joy, and Pain’ still wanting to party,” he said.
Words of wisdom: It’s all about fostering a deep connection and close-knit friendship, said the Godfreys of their 35-year marriage.
“Love is not about better communication, it’s about a better connection. You have to have a very good connection,” Daveina said, “men want a close marriage just as much as the woman does.”
Arthur added that it’s about the friendship that you build over time.
“All things and people change, but your marriage and your home are there to stay,” he said. “Over time, we have become better friends, we raised kids together, we’ve learned that we’re all we have. Especially after our parents passed,” he said. “We’ve had a lot of death and sorrow and we’ve had to overcome that and be there for one another.”
Happily ever after: Arthur and Daveina lived in Atlanta, GA during the early years of their marriage before returning to Birmingham. Daveina earned a bachelor of sciences degree in psychology from Clark Atlanta and her master’s degree in education from Alabama State University. Arthur earned a bachelor of science’s degree in business and finance from ASU. They have four adult children, three sons and one daughter.
Arthur said it’s a joy to have a sophomore at A&M, a daughter in law school, and two sons in promising careers “and having [his wife] you’re able to have and share these moments with.”
Arthur is a loan officer for an area bank and Daveina is a retiree from Children’s Hospital in Behavioral Health. She also has her own company, ‘Daveina Mending Homes’, where she counsels foster children.
Daveina said she enjoys how they continue to work together “from how we handle crisis, to how we handle trips and vacations; it’s just a great joy to give love and to be loved,” she said. “Romance is everyday life.”
This article originally appeared in The Birmingham Times.
Bay Area
The Case Against Probate Part 2 – The Dr. Laura Dean Head Case
Zakiya Folami Jendayi says, “Dr. Laura Dean Head had two sisters but was estranged from them the entire 28 years we were friends.”Despite that fact, Head’s sisters, Della Hamlin and Helaine Head, questioned Head’s trust three times after Head transitioned, attempting to acquire Head’s estate, and three different attorneys told them they didn’t have standing. Dr. Head did not include either of her sisters in her trust or will. Dr. Head’s Trust included a disinheritance and no contest clause regarding her sisters.

By Tanya Dennis
Dr. Laura Dean Head, a Black Studies professor at San Francisco State University for 35 years, transitioned on June 19, 2013. Aware of her imminent demise, Dr. Head appointed former student and friend for 28 years, Zakiya Folami Jendayi as trustee, executor, and sole beneficiary of her estate in front of several credible witnesses and a notary. Head also gave Jendayi power of attorney and appointed Jendayi as her advanced healthcare agent.
Jendayi says, “Laura had two sisters but was estranged from them the entire 28 years we were friends.”Despite that fact, Head’s sisters, Della Hamlin and Helaine Head, questioned Head’s trust three times after Head transitioned, attempting to acquire Head’s estate, and three different attorneys told them they didn’t have standing. Dr. Head did not include either of her sisters in her trust or will. Dr. Head’s Trust included a disinheritance and no contest clause regarding her sisters.
In 2020, Dr. Head’s deceased mother’s abandoned property for over 20 years sold, entitling Head’s estate to one-third of the proceeds. Jendayi filed a petition for distribution rights on behalf of Dr. Head’s estate. Head’s sisters responded, filing a lawsuit against Jendayi to invalidate Head’s trust, claiming Jendayi used undue influence and forgery, citing Head’s lack of capacity to make business decisions.
During trial, Della testified she had not seen Head since 1997 or 1998, and Helaine could not identify Dr. Head in a photo during her trial testimony. Head’s physician, Dr. Stephen Sarafian, wrote a letter and testified that Dr. Head lacked mental capacity, and her mental state rendered her unable to manage her own financial resources and/or to resist fraud or undue influence.
His letter had the wrong day, month, year and identified Dr. Head as a male. Jendayi filed a complaint against Sarafian with Kaiser’s grievance department and the Medical Board of California. Both agencies denounced Sarafian’s false letter.
When Jendayi subpoenaed Sarafian to testify a second time, Sarafian testified he had not performed a mental assessment on Dr. Head, had not diagnosed Dr. Head’s lack mental capacity, and had not determined if she could manage her own financial resources and/or resist fraud or undue influence,
During the 18-day trial, the sisters’ attorney, Daniel Leahy, stated that Jendayi named herself Head’s beneficiary. No one testified to that claim, nor was there any evidence. When Jendayi objected during the trial, Judge Sandra Bean stated, “it’s only argument.”
However, Bean accepted the “only argument” lie from Leahy, a court attorney who never met Dr. Head, over Dr. Head’s attorney, Elaine Lee, who testified that Dr. Head named Jendayi as her beneficiary after she met with Dr. Head privately. Bean ruled that Jendayi named herself beneficiary and unduly influenced Dr. Head.
Zendayi says “Trial transcripts show Bean’s extreme bias and discrimination against me, how Bean lawyered from the bench, abused her discretion, changed a witness testimony on the record and exhibited blatant racism.”
The Appellate Court upheld Bean’s ruling, They also ruled that Jendayi named herself beneficiary and relied on Sarafian’s invalid letter three times to uphold Bean’s ruling.
Jendayi then petitioned to the Supreme Court of California for justice, but the Court denied hearing her case. Jendayi is now headed to the Supreme Court of the United States seeking justice. Judge Bean has been contacted for comment, but thus far there has been no response.
Activism
The Best Advice for Raising Children: Discipline That Makes Sense
In his book Developing Positive Self Images and Discipline in Black Children, Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu suggests that primary aims for socializing Black children should be: establishing goals related to God and the church; familiarizing children with religious texts like the Bible or Quran; educating them of Black culture like Khemetic (Egyptian) Civilization; enlightening them about Black leaders like Malcolm X and Sojourner Truth; and teaching them to strive to be employers, not employees.

By William A. Thomas, Ph.D.
In many African societies, the primary aim of socialization is to raise children to be socially responsible and eventually provide economic support to their parents and extended families. Ghanaian philosopher Kwame Gyekye taught that children are raised to be respectful of the wishes of their parents and extended adult family members.
In his book Developing Positive Self Images and Discipline in Black Children, Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu suggests that primary aims for socializing Black children should be: establishing goals related to God and the church; familiarizing children with religious texts like the Bible or Quran; educating them of Black culture like Khemetic (Egyptian) Civilization; enlightening them about Black leaders like Malcolm X and Sojourner Truth; and teaching them to strive to be employers, not employees.
Effective disciplinary strategies appropriate to a child’s age and development teach them to regulate their behavior; keep them from harm; enhance their cognitive, social, and emotional executive functioning skills; and reinforce the behavioral patterns taught by their parents and caregivers.
Below are some specific guidelines for disciplining children.
Listen to what children are talking about with interest and show them you understand their feelings. Remember, children mirror and learn about their emotional selves by hearing their feelings reflected back to them. Staying on target also means avoiding labels. When children fail to do what is expected, discussing it is helpful rather than saying how stubborn, lazy, dumb, or bad they are. By the same token, more positive labels can be helpful.
Dependability is another essential component of the discipline process. When parents are dependable, their children learn what to expect and are helped to feel secure. When parents are consistent, children learn to trust, that is, predict their parents’ behaviors with certainty. A child thinks, “When I spill something, I will always be asked to wipe it up.” A child thinks, “If I use foul language, I will always be corrected.” A child thinks, “If I take something that doesn’t belong to me, I will always have to give it back.” The ability to predict with certainty leads children to rely on their parents and the village/community in which they live. Children feel safe when they know what to expect.
Conclusions
It takes a village/community to raise the divine gift that is the Black child. Parents look to therapists for guidance concerning a variety of parenting issues, including discipline. Keep in mind that evidence suggests that corporal punishment is both ineffective in the long term and associated with cognitive and mental health disorders. When parents want guidance about the use of spanking, a child therapist can explore parental feelings, help them better define the goals of discipline, and offer specific behavior management strategies. In addition to providing appropriate education to families, the Bay Area Association of Black Psychologists (Bay ABPsi) can refer them to community resources, like parenting groups and classes.
About the Author
Dr. Thomas is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice in the SF/Oakland Bay Area and Beaumont. He is a member of Bay ABPsi, a healing resource committed to providing the Post Newspaper readership with monthly discussions about critical issues in Black Mental Health. Readers are welcome to join us at our monthly chapter meetings every 3rd Saturday via Zoom and contact us at bayareaabpsi@gmail.com.
Activism
Report Offers Policies, Ideas to Improve the Workplace Experiences of Black Women in California
The “Invisible Labor, Visible Struggles: The Intersection of Race, Gender, and Workplace Equity for Black Women in California” report by the California Black Women’s Collective Empowerment Institute (CBWCEI), unveiled the findings of a December 2024 survey of 452 employed Black women across the Golden State. Three-fifths of the participants said they experienced racism or discrimination last year and 57% of the unfair treatment was related to incidents at work.

By McKenzie Jackson, California Black Media
Backed by data, a report released last month details the numerous hurdles Black women in the Golden State must overcome to effectively contribute and succeed in the workplace.
The “Invisible Labor, Visible Struggles: The Intersection of Race, Gender, and Workplace Equity for Black Women in California” report by the California Black Women’s Collective Empowerment Institute (CBWCEI), unveiled the findings of a December 2024 survey of 452 employed Black women across the Golden State. Three-fifths of the participants said they experienced racism or discrimination last year and 57% of the unfair treatment was related to incidents at work.
CBWCEI President and CEO Kellie Todd Griffin said Black women have been the backbone of communities, industries, and movements but are still overlooked, underpaid, and undervalued at work.
“The data is clear,” she explained. “Systemic racism and sexism are not just historical injustices. They are active forces shaping the workplace experiences of Black women today. This report is a call to action. it demands intentional polices, corporate accountability, and systemic changes.”
The 16-page study, conducted by the public opinion research and strategic consulting firm EVITARUS, showcases the lived workplace experiences of Black women, many who say they are stuck in the crosshairs of discrimination based on gender and race which hinders their work opportunities, advancements, and aspirations, according to the report’s authors, Todd Griffin and CBWCEI researcher Dr. Sharon Uche.
“We wanted to look at how Black women are experiencing the workplace where there are systematic barriers,” Todd Griffin told the media during a press conference co-hosted by Ethnic Media Services and California Black Media. “This report is focused on the invisible labor struggles of Black women throughout California.”
The aspects of the workplace most important to Black women, according to those surveyed, are salary or wage, benefits, and job security.
However, only 21% of the survey’s respondents felt they had strong chances for career advancement into the executive or senior leadership ranks in California’s job market; 49% felt passed over, excluded from, or marginalized at work; and 48% felt their accomplishments at work were undervalued. Thirty-eight percent said they had been thought of as the stereotypical “angry Black woman” at work, and 42% said workplace racism or discrimination effected their physical or mental health.
“These sentiments play a factor in contributing to a workplace that is unsafe and not equitable for Black women in California,” the report reads.
Most Black women said providing for their families and personal fulfillment motivated them to show up to work daily, while 38% said they were dissatisfied in their current job with salary, supervisors, and work environment being the top sources of their discontent.
When asked if they agree or disagree with a statement about their workplace 58% of Black women said they feel supported at work, while 52% said their contributions are acknowledged. Forty-nine percent said they felt empowered.
Uche said Black women are paid $54,000 annually on average — including Black single mothers, who averaged $50,000 — while White men earn an average of $90,000 each year.
“More than half of Black families in California are led by single Black women,” said Uche, who added that the pay gap between Black women and White men isn’t forecasted to close until 2121.
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