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Alma Gill

By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

 

Dealing with an Absentee Mother

Dear Alma,

My best friend and college roommate grew up without her mother. She was raised by her father and they had a very close relationship. She shared with me that her mother left because of some unfortunate circumstances but has never gone into detail. I do know that her mother did not play a role in her life. She did not pick her up for visits or spend any time with her. It was like she just vanished. Her father just recently died, and she found out that he had two insurance policies and she called the insurance company to get the information. When she did, she was told the beneficiary was her mother. After 20 years, they never divorced, so her mother was entitled to the money. I told her she should sue her and get the money from her dad’s insurance. If she couldn’t take care of her daughter, she doesn’t deserve that money. My friend was left everything else, his car and his house. The house is in need of repairs and if she could get that money from her mother she would be able to take care of some things. She will probably end up selling the house and she is very upset about that. I told her she should sue and confront her mother. What do you think Alma, do you think she’ll win her case?

Mama Drama

 

Dear Mama Drama,

What do I think? I’m so glad you asked. That leads me to believe there’s some room here for us to agree and agree to disagree. I agree she should try to reconnect with her mother. I disagree on the approach. Confronting someone is such an agitated act; searching for a non-confrontational conversation is more of what I have in mind.

I’m sorry your friend was unable to have her mother in her life when she was growing up. There’s no excuse for that. But you and I both know there are three sides to every story –his side, her side and the truth. Sometime the truth hurts, and the truth of the matter is, her dad left the money to his wife and everything else to his daughter. There’s no need for a lawsuit. One could ask, does she deserve it? Well, her husband thought she did and that’s all that matters.

This is a very tough time for your friend. It’s one of the toughest she’ll experience in her life. She is in need of a sacred place. Losing a parent has lasting effects and can leave you empty and broken for years to come. The best thing you can do for her is apply your comments to the positive side of this situation. Reassure her of the love her father had for her and remind her, even in the most difficult of times, he didn’t forget her mother. She might be hurt and totally disagree, but there’s no mistake that it’s admirable on the part of her father.

Parents have confidential conversations that they never share with their children, and that sounds like what happened here. Maybe her parents agreed her mother would leave the relationship for whatever reason and it has gone unresolved all this time. If there were dozens of days of disrespect, then daddy, I’m sure, would have certainly made a change to his insurance policy. He didn’t. Choosing a beneficiary is not a small feat. When he did so, he didn’t wish, wonder or assume. He made a conscious decision and he doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.

Like Clover said to Grover, “this issue is over.”  There’s nothing your friend should do about it, but respect it and move on. She should also use her father’s last life gesture to reach out to her mother. You never know what that discussion may bring. Both are feeding unanswered questions and allowing the weeds of misunderstanding to grow. It’s time for healing. She can’t have another conversation with her father, but she can with her mother.

Encourage her to extend a non-judgmental hand of forgiveness to her mother and if it’s not reciprocated, so be it. She can live a full life knowing she did all that she could to reconcile with her mother. Don’t encourage her to take her mom to court; that’s ugly and it don’t look good on you. Be a good friend who listens and consoles. As her best friend, it’s your job to lift her soul, not damage it.

Alma

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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Activism

Oakland Post Endorses Barbara Lee

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

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Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo, Office of Rep. Barbara Lee.
Former Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo.

As we end the celebration of Women’s History Month in Oakland, we endorse Barbara Lee, a woman of demonstrated historical significance. In our opinion, she has the best chance of uniting the city and achieving our needs for affordable housing, public safety, and fiscal accountability.

As a former small business owner, Barbara Lee understands how to apply tools needed to revitalize Oakland’s downtown, uptown, and neighborhood businesses.

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

It is notable that many of those who fought politically on both sides of the recent recall election battles have now laid down their weapons and become brothers and sisters in support of Barbara Lee. The Oakland Post is pleased to join them.

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Actor, Philanthropist Blair Underwood Visits Bay Area, Kicks Off Literacy Program in ‘New Oakland’ Initiative

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

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Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.
Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.

By Paul Cobb
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Opinion Part 3

The Post mentioned three weeks ago that a number of our local luminaries were coming together to support the “New Oakland” movement. As this current national administration continues to eliminate our “legacy” institutional policies and programs left and right, most communities find themselves beyond “frozen” in fear.

Well, esteemed actor, long-time Bay Area supporter, and philanthropist Blair Underwood returned to Oakland this week to speak with city leaders, community trust agents, students, the Oakland Post, and local celebrities alike to continue his “New Oakland” initiative.

This week, he kicked off his “Guess Who’s Coming to Read” literacy program in some of Oakland’s middle schools. Clifford Ray, who played the center position of the 1975 World Champion Golden State Warriors, donated close to 1,000 books. Ray’s fellow teammate Charles “The Hopper” Dudley also gave Converse sneakers to students.

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

Underwood also spent quality time with the Oakland Ballers ownership group and visited the amazing Raimondi Park West Oakland community revitalization site. In the 1996 TV film Soul of the Game, Underwood played the role of the legendary first Black Major League Baseball player Jackie Robinson and commended the Ballers owners.

“This group of sports enthusiasts/ philanthropists needs to be applauded for their human capital investment and their financial capital investment,” Underwood said. “Truly putting their money and passion to work,” Underwood said.

Underwood was also inspired by mayoral candidate Barbara Lee’s open-minded invitation to bring public-private partnership opportunities to Oakland.

Underwood said he wants to “reinforce the importance of ‘collaborative activism’ among those most marginalized by non-empathic leadership. We must ‘act out’ our discomfort with passionate intentions to create healthy change.”

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Councilmembers Ramachandran, Kaplan, Unger Identify Funds to Save Oakland Fire Stations

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

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Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.
Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.

By Janani Ramachandran

There is no greater concern to the people of Oakland today than public safety. Fire stations are the bread and butter of essential city services – and every day that we have stations shuttered, we imperil the lives of our community members. In response to widespread outcry over the current and planned closure of stations, myself, along with Councilmembers Kaplan and Unger, have painstakingly worked to identify millions of dollars of new funding to save our stations. The legislation we introduced on Thursday, February 13th, will amend our budget to prevent the closure of four fire stations that are currently on the chopping block due to our budget crisis and will re-open two closed stations that have already been closed – Station 25 and 28 – in the near future. The resolution that will provide the funding to keep our stations open will go before the full City Council for a vote at our meeting on Tuesday, March 4th at 3:30 PM – and we invite you to join us at City Hall to share your perspective on the topic.

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

With the devastating Los Angeles fire at the top of people’s minds, terrible memories of Oakland’s own wildfires are re-surfacing from the 1991 Oakland Hills Firestorm to the Keller fire just a few months ago – and how essential fire stations are to mitigating these catastrophes. But in Oakland, our fire stations don’t just fight wildfires – they also provide emergency medical services to our most vulnerable constituents, put out structural fires and encampment fires, and much more.

We recognize that there are a number of competing interests and important initiatives fighting for sparse City resources. But from my perspective, core safety services are the most pivotal functions that a City must spend its resources on – especially given the outcry we have heard around fire stations.

The fight to save our stations is not over. The resolution we introduced is a critical first step, and there are hurdles to overcome. If you support keeping our fire stations open, we invite you to be a part of the solution by making your voice heard at the March 4th City Council meeting at 3:30 pm.

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