Op-Ed
Ask Alma
By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist
Deciding to Move On
Dear Alma,
I have been with this person for six years, and we’ve had our up and downs, like any relationship. We are living apart but he still wants us to keep our friendship. I don’t, because he needs to get himself together financially and mentally. Basically, I feel if someone truly loves you they will do whatever it takes to be with the person. He’s just not moving fast enough for me. I do love him and want to be with him, but I can’t wait any longer. Now my problem is trying to move on and forget him. What’s the best way to handle this?
Six is the magic number. So you’ve been with him for six years. You guys don’t live together; you aren’t engaged, and he needs to get it together. He wants to continue a “friendship,” but you want more, and since he hasn’t obliged, you’re ready to move on.
First, I applaud you for making the decision to break it off, redefine, redirect and find your joy. Some people stay in an unfulfilled relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, and that’s never a healthy decision.
Truth be told, let’s give him credit: a friendship is all that he wants, and a friendship is all that he has to offer – to you. You, on the other hand, have decided that’s not enough, and that’s okay. You know you better than anyone else. By making the decision to break it off and move on in your mind, all you need now is for your heart to catch on. That ol’ heart always takes a little more time with this sorta thing, doesn’t it?
While working through the heartache, keep in mind – after a break-up, we think…and ponder…and reminisce…about how we wish it could have been. I call that the coulda, shoulda, woulda stage. Since you will be thinking about it, for a little while anyway, put yourself on the path of thinking about the real deal of what’s been happening for the past six years. Write it down. That way, you can recall and reread what really happened and how it made you feel.
Now, the next step toward moving on – take the time to refuel. I’d suggest focusing on what brings you strength. If there’s a particular minister or motivational speaker you like, listen to them, every day. If you like to walk, run, dance, workout, swim, do that for yourself – every day – or as much as you can. Download your best pick-me-up songs on your iPod, and listen to them. Hum along and take it all in.
Let’s imagine you’re preparing to take a long road trip. Close your eyes, see yourself at a gas station; you’re filling up your tank – a red sports car, I hope, LOL. Do the same for your heart – refuel. Keep busy, find a new hobby. How about volunteering at church, with the elderly, a charity, or with kids? Take the focus off him and focus on you. Use this time to allow yourself to work on being the best person you can be who without a doubt is taking the time to live her life to the fullest. You can do it!
Alma
Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.
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Alameda County
Seth Curry Makes Impressive Debut with the Golden State Warriors
Seth looked comfortable in his new uniform, seamlessly fitting into the Warriors’ offensive and defensive system. He finished the night with an impressive 14 points, becoming one of the team’s top scorers for the game. Seth’s points came in a variety of ways – floaters, spot-up three-pointers, mid-range jumpers, and a handful of aggressive drives that kept the Oklahoma City Thunder defense on its heels.
By Y’Anad Burrell
Tuesday night was anything but ordinary for fans in San Francisco as Seth Curry made his highly anticipated debut as a new member of the Golden State Warriors. Seth didn’t disappoint, delivering a performance that not only showcased his scoring ability but also demonstrated his added value to the team.
At 35, the 12-year NBA veteran on Monday signed a contract to play with the Warriors for the rest of the season.
Seth looked comfortable in his new uniform, seamlessly fitting into the Warriors’ offensive and defensive system. He finished the night with an impressive 14 points, becoming one of the team’s top scorers for the game. Seth’s points came in a variety of ways – floaters, spot-up three-pointers, mid-range jumpers, and a handful of aggressive drives that kept the Oklahoma City Thunder defense on its heels.
One of the most memorable moments of the evening came before Seth even scored his first points. As he checked into the game, the Chase Center erupted into applause, with fans rising to their feet to give the newest Warrior a standing ovation.
The crowd’s reaction was a testament not only to Seth’s reputation as a sharpshooter but also to the excitement he brings to the Warriors. It was clear that fans quickly embraced Seth as one of their own, eager to see what he could bring to the team’s championship aspirations.
Warriors’ superstar Steph Curry – Seth’s brother – did not play due to an injury. One could only imagine what it would be like if the Curry brothers were on the court together. Magic in the making.
Seth’s debut proved to be a turning point for the Warriors. Not only did he contribute on the scoreboard, but he also brought a sense of confidence and composure to the floor.
While their loss last night, OKC 124 – GSW 112, Seth’s impact was a game-changer and there’s more yet to come. Beyond statistics, it was clear that Seth’s presence elevated the team’s performance, giving the Warriors a new force as they look to make a deep playoff run.
Activism
Essay: Intentional Self Care and Community Connections Can Improve Our Wellbeing
At the deepest and also most expansive level of reality, we are all part of the same being, our bodies made from the minerals of the earth, our spirits infused by the spiritual breath that animates the universe. Willingness to move more deeply into fear and pain is the first step toward moving into a larger consciousness. Willingness to move beyond the delusion of our separateness can show us new ways of working and living together.
By Dr. Lorraine Bonner, Special to California Black Media Partners
I went to a medical school that was steeped in the principles of classical Western medicine. However, I also learned mindfulness meditation during that time, which opened me to the multifaceted relationship between illnesses and the interconnecting environmental, mental and emotional realities that can impact an individual’s health.
Therefore, when I began to practice medicine, I also pursued training in hypnosis, relaxation techniques, meditation, and guided imagery, to bring a mind-body focus to my work in medical care and prevention.
The people I saw in my practice had a mix of problems, including high blood pressure, diabetes, and a variety of pain issues. I taught almost everyone relaxation breathing and made some general relaxation tapes. To anyone willing, I offered guided imagery.
“My work embraced an approach to wellness I call “Liberatory Health” — one that not only addresses the treatment and management of disease symptoms but also seeks to dismantle the conditions that make people sick in the first place.”
From my perspective, illness is only the outermost manifestation of our efforts to cope, often fueled by addictions such as sugar, tobacco, or alcohol, shackled by an individualistic cult belief that we have only ourselves to blame for our suffering.
At the deepest and also most expansive level of reality, we are all part of the same being, our bodies made from the minerals of the earth, our spirits infused by the spiritual breath that animates the universe. Willingness to move more deeply into fear and pain is the first step toward moving into a larger consciousness. Willingness to move beyond the delusion of our separateness can show us new ways of working and living together.
To put these ideas into practical form, I would quote the immortal Mr. Rogers: “Find the helpers.” There are already people in every community working for liberation. Some of them are running for office, others are giving food to those who need it. Some are volunteering in schools, libraries or hospitals. Some are studying liberation movements, or are working in urban or community gardens, or learning to practice restorative and transformative justice, or creating liberation art, music, dance, theater or writing. Some are mentoring high schoolers or apprenticing young people in a trade. There are many places where compassionate humans are finding other humans and working together for a better world.
A more compassionate world is possible, one in which we will all enjoy better health. Creating it will make us healthier, too.
In community, we are strong. Recognizing denial and overcoming the fragmenting effects of spiritual disorder offer us a path to liberation and true health.
Good health and well-being are the collective rights of all people!
About the Author
Dr. Lorraine Bonner is a retired physician. She is also a sculptor who works in clay, exploring issues of trust, trustworthiness and exploitation, as well as visions of a better world.
Activism
Opinion: Can Donald Trump Pole Dance?
Given all that is happening, if the presidency was more like pole dancing, you know Trump would be flat on his butt.
By Emil Guillermo
The news cycle has been buzzing the last few weeks. Xi, with Putin and Kim, the sweethearts of Trump carousing alone without him? The victims of the pedophile Epstein speaking out publicly in DC.
Then, there’s the release of that salacious letter Donald Trump allegedly wrote to Jeffrey Epstein. Trump said the letter didn’t exist. But it does.
Timing is everything.
Additionally, there are further concerns, such as the Supreme Court removing restrictions on ICE interactions. ICE Agents can stop anyone now. For any reason. And there’s the threat of the U.S. sending the military to fight crime in Chicago. Trump even posted a meme of himself as a character in “Apocalypse Now.”
All that with bad polls and bad economic numbers, and these topics are dominating the news cycle — Trump era chaos.
Given all that is happening, if the presidency was more like pole dancing, you know Trump would be flat on his butt.
The reality is the opposite. He keeps going strong like nothing’s happened. Inexplicably, Trump always seems to defy gravity.
That’s why to reassure myself with reality, I just think of Trump on a pole. Dancing. He was born on Flag Day, after all.
I’ve got pole dancing on my mind because I’m in Canada at the Vancouver Fringe Festival doing my show, “Emil Amok 69, Everything’s Flipped,” about how the current political situation gets very personal.
Get tickets here if you’re near:
I’ve performed at 16 fringe festivals, and I always look for unique performers. This year, in my same venue (the Revue Stage) I found her in a show, “The Pole Shebang.”
Andrea James Lui may look like a typical Asian American at first.
But she’s Asian Canadian, married to an Australian, who now lives down under.
At the Vancouver Fringe, she highlights her special identity.
Pole Dancer
Yes, pole dancing has come to the fringe. Leave your dollar bills at home, this is not that kind of pole dancing.
This is more Cirque Du Soleil-ish- acrobatic stuff, yet it’s hard to deny the sexiness when a woman flawlessly swings from a pole with her legs apart.
The show is more intriguing than it is titillating.
Lui has created a behind-the-scenes look at the “polar” experience.
“She could have been a physicist,” says her big sister Christina, who despite saying that, supports her sister 100 percent.
Lui touches on some of the emotional depth in the poled subculture. But there’s plenty more to mine in the future. “Polar Bare,” the Musical? I’d see it.
Trump on a Pole
So that’s how I’ve come to the polar metaphor.
As Trump flails in the news, I picture him on a pole.
The letter to Epstein is further proof of the character of the man.
Will he stay afloat?
Not if the presidency were more like pole dancing.
You can’t lie on the pole.
That’s one way all of us in the Trump era can get to the truth.
About the Author
Emil Amok is a veteran journalist, commentator, and stage monologist. He has written a weekly column on Asian Americans for more than 30 years.
Contact: www.amok.com
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