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Ask Alma

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By Alma Gill
NNPA Columnist

 

Deciding to Move On

Dear Alma,

I have been with this person for six years, and we’ve had our up and downs, like any relationship. We are living apart but he still wants us to keep our friendship. I don’t, because he needs to get himself together financially and mentally. Basically, I feel if someone truly loves you they will do whatever it takes to be with the person. He’s just not moving fast enough for me. I do love him and want to be with him, but I can’t wait any longer. Now my problem is trying to move on and forget him. What’s the best way to handle this?

 

Six is the magic number. So you’ve been with him for six years. You guys don’t live together; you aren’t engaged, and he needs to get it together. He wants to continue a “friendship,” but you want more, and since he hasn’t obliged, you’re ready to move on.

First, I applaud you for making the decision to break it off, redefine, redirect and find your joy. Some people stay in an unfulfilled relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, and that’s never a healthy decision.

Truth be told, let’s give him credit: a friendship is all that he wants, and a friendship is all that he has to offer – to you. You, on the other hand, have decided that’s not enough, and that’s okay. You know you better than anyone else. By making the decision to break it off and move on in your mind, all you need now is for your heart to catch on. That ol’ heart always takes a little more time with this sorta thing, doesn’t it?

While working through the heartache, keep in mind – after a break-up, we think…and ponder…and reminisce…about how we wish it could have been. I call that the coulda, shoulda, woulda stage. Since you will be thinking about it, for a little while anyway, put yourself on the path of thinking about the real deal of what’s been happening for the past six years. Write it down. That way, you can recall and reread what really happened and how it made you feel.

Now, the next step toward moving on – take the time to refuel. I’d suggest focusing on what brings you strength. If there’s a particular minister or motivational speaker you like, listen to them, every day. If you like to walk, run, dance, workout, swim, do that for yourself – every day – or as much as you can. Download your best pick-me-up songs on your iPod, and listen to them. Hum along and take it all in.

Let’s imagine you’re preparing to take a long road trip. Close your eyes, see yourself at a gas station; you’re filling up your tank – a red sports car, I hope, LOL. Do the same for your heart – refuel. Keep busy, find a new hobby. How about volunteering at church, with the elderly, a charity, or with kids? Take the focus off him and focus on you. Use this time to allow yourself to work on being the best person you can be who without a doubt is taking the time to live her life to the fullest. You can do it!

Alma

 

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.

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Activism

Oakland Post Endorses Barbara Lee

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

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Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo, Office of Rep. Barbara Lee.
Former Congresswoman Barbara Lee. Courtesy photo.

As we end the celebration of Women’s History Month in Oakland, we endorse Barbara Lee, a woman of demonstrated historical significance. In our opinion, she has the best chance of uniting the city and achieving our needs for affordable housing, public safety, and fiscal accountability.

As a former small business owner, Barbara Lee understands how to apply tools needed to revitalize Oakland’s downtown, uptown, and neighborhood businesses.

Barbara Lee will be able to unify the city around Oakland’s critical budget and financial issues, since she will walk into the mayor’s office with the support of a super majority of seven city council members — enabling her to achieve much-needed consensus on moving Oakland into a successful future.

It is notable that many of those who fought politically on both sides of the recent recall election battles have now laid down their weapons and become brothers and sisters in support of Barbara Lee. The Oakland Post is pleased to join them.

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Activism

Actor, Philanthropist Blair Underwood Visits Bay Area, Kicks Off Literacy Program in ‘New Oakland’ Initiative

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

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Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.
Blair Underwood (left) and Barbara Lee (right). Courtesy photo.

By Paul Cobb
New Oakland Series
Opinion Part 3

The Post mentioned three weeks ago that a number of our local luminaries were coming together to support the “New Oakland” movement. As this current national administration continues to eliminate our “legacy” institutional policies and programs left and right, most communities find themselves beyond “frozen” in fear.

Well, esteemed actor, long-time Bay Area supporter, and philanthropist Blair Underwood returned to Oakland this week to speak with city leaders, community trust agents, students, the Oakland Post, and local celebrities alike to continue his “New Oakland” initiative.

This week, he kicked off his “Guess Who’s Coming to Read” literacy program in some of Oakland’s middle schools. Clifford Ray, who played the center position of the 1975 World Champion Golden State Warriors, donated close to 1,000 books. Ray’s fellow teammate Charles “The Hopper” Dudley also gave Converse sneakers to students.

These community activations were coordinated with the San Francisco-based non-profit program “Room to Read.” Ray said he is also donating his time to read and take pictures with students to encourage their engagement and to inspire them to read more. The inspirational book “Clifford Ray Saves the Day” highlights Clifford Ray’s true story of saving a dolphin.

Underwood also spent quality time with the Oakland Ballers ownership group and visited the amazing Raimondi Park West Oakland community revitalization site. In the 1996 TV film Soul of the Game, Underwood played the role of the legendary first Black Major League Baseball player Jackie Robinson and commended the Ballers owners.

“This group of sports enthusiasts/ philanthropists needs to be applauded for their human capital investment and their financial capital investment,” Underwood said. “Truly putting their money and passion to work,” Underwood said.

Underwood was also inspired by mayoral candidate Barbara Lee’s open-minded invitation to bring public-private partnership opportunities to Oakland.

Underwood said he wants to “reinforce the importance of ‘collaborative activism’ among those most marginalized by non-empathic leadership. We must ‘act out’ our discomfort with passionate intentions to create healthy change.”

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Activism

Councilmembers Ramachandran, Kaplan, Unger Identify Funds to Save Oakland Fire Stations

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

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Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.
Councilmember Janani Ramachandran. Courtesy photo.

By Janani Ramachandran

There is no greater concern to the people of Oakland today than public safety. Fire stations are the bread and butter of essential city services – and every day that we have stations shuttered, we imperil the lives of our community members. In response to widespread outcry over the current and planned closure of stations, myself, along with Councilmembers Kaplan and Unger, have painstakingly worked to identify millions of dollars of new funding to save our stations. The legislation we introduced on Thursday, February 13th, will amend our budget to prevent the closure of four fire stations that are currently on the chopping block due to our budget crisis and will re-open two closed stations that have already been closed – Station 25 and 28 – in the near future. The resolution that will provide the funding to keep our stations open will go before the full City Council for a vote at our meeting on Tuesday, March 4th at 3:30 PM – and we invite you to join us at City Hall to share your perspective on the topic.

Our budget crisis – one of the worst in Oakland’s history – is compounded by the fact that people do not feel safe coming to Oakland due to our public safety crisis. By investing in our fundamental public safety resources today, we can send a signal to the world that Oakland is open for business. We have such a rich and vibrant culture, arts, and food scene that is worth celebrating – but we can only showcase this if we are able to keep our neighborhoods safe. Having fully functioning fire stations are absolutely essential to these efforts.

With the devastating Los Angeles fire at the top of people’s minds, terrible memories of Oakland’s own wildfires are re-surfacing from the 1991 Oakland Hills Firestorm to the Keller fire just a few months ago – and how essential fire stations are to mitigating these catastrophes. But in Oakland, our fire stations don’t just fight wildfires – they also provide emergency medical services to our most vulnerable constituents, put out structural fires and encampment fires, and much more.

We recognize that there are a number of competing interests and important initiatives fighting for sparse City resources. But from my perspective, core safety services are the most pivotal functions that a City must spend its resources on – especially given the outcry we have heard around fire stations.

The fight to save our stations is not over. The resolution we introduced is a critical first step, and there are hurdles to overcome. If you support keeping our fire stations open, we invite you to be a part of the solution by making your voice heard at the March 4th City Council meeting at 3:30 pm.

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