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Ask Alma: I hooked my friend up with a job and friend complains about it on Facebook

FROST ILLUSTRATED — I was a little offended. I wouldn’t have cared if this “friend” complained privately about the assignment; journalists complain all the time about a range of things and for different reasons. But putting it out on Facebook seemed a little ungrateful. What should I say to them?

Published

6 years ago

November 22, 2018

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Alma Gill

By Alma Gill (NNPA Newswire Columnist)

Dear Alma:

I have a friend that shares everything in their life on Facebook. This friend’s car has broken down on several occasions, with the latest repair costing $2,700; this friend also seems to have many issues with landlords and significant others. Despite my friend’s personal trials, they have risen to become an expert in their field.

Recently, I had the chance to recommend this friend for a freelance assignment, that perfectly fit their expertise. The friend did not thank me directly, but I saw a Facebook post about the job, so I assumed the friend was happy to get it. A week or so later, I saw two more posts about the job; one post said that the job was “difficult,” and another that described the job as “boring.”

I was a little offended. I wouldn’t have cared if this “friend” complained privately about the assignment; journalists complain all the time about a range of things and for different reasons. But putting it out on Facebook seemed a little ungrateful. What should I say to them?

Signed,
Just Trying to Help

Dear Trying to Help,

What should you say to your friend? Nothing, nada, zilch. Don’t be offended. Honey chile’, you can lead a horse to water, but it ain’t your place to tell it how to drink. I know. You had good intentions and you also hold this friend in high regard, but, be that as it may, your friend still lacks basic courtesy and common correctness. You should have received at the very least a “thank you” text. I’m not surprised, though; God doesn’t give us everything. I have found that many people, who swim in a well of book knowledge, lack the fundamental nitty-gritties of niceties. Some people feel the need to share everything on social media. What is that about? I think that people who feel compelled to share every “mood cough” and “mind hiccup” on Facebook, are surely exhibiting some sign of mental deficiency. The “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” constant displays of desperation can be mind boggling.

If you don’t mind me saying, I think you’re a bit disappointed. This friend, as you say, “repeatedly runs into personal difficulties.” Um, back in the day, we’d call someone like that a leech. Today, you get to view their shenanigans online, up close and personal. You’ve placed this person higher on your “ladder of success” than they should have been. Don’t fret. It happens.

I say, scratch ‘em off your Christmas list and keep it moving. You did a nice thing and Ms. Karma will make sure you’re blessed for it. Continue to follow your friend on Facebook, but keep your comments and suggestions to a minimum. Here’s the bottom line: that nickel had poor home training, which, unfortunately, lasts much longer than any lessons learned in a classroom. Like my mama used to say, “if good manners and common sense were free, some folks still couldn’t afford to buy them.” LOL.

Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and The Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and Twitter @almaaskalma.

This article first appeared in Frost Illustrated.

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OP-ED: The Illusion of Allyship. White Women, Your Yard Signs Mean Nothing to Me

NNPA NEWSWIRE – “The blue bracelets are something White women are wearing so others can see that they didn’t vote for Trump,” says Liberal Lisa from Oklahoma on X. Chile, bye. These bracelets are hollow symbols, empty gestures that mean nothing to me. An accessory to claim distance from Trump’s legacy is superficial comfort, while the choice to not stand with us in the voting booth is far more profound.

Published

1 week ago

November 9, 2024

Oakland Post

Political yard signs can symbolize intentions and allegiance. But this year, they’ve also symbolized betrayal. During this general election, Black women were led to believe that more White women would stand with us. Exit polls, however, told a different story. Despite overwhelming displays of support, more White women still chose to vote for the convicted felon, reality TV star, and rapist. White women answered the call but left us hanging at the polls.

A Familiar Disappointment

I live in DeKalb County, Georgia, and the abundance of Harris-Walz yard signs could’ve fooled me. But I’ve seen this before, back when Stacey Abrams ran for governor. White women showed up, put up signs, attended rallies, knocked on doors, and phone-banked. Yet, when it came time to vote, they let us down—not once but twice. I’ve been here for over 15 years, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that political signs are symbols without weight.

In every election, I’ve talked with White women. Most aren’t the primary earners in their families and vote along party lines, aligning with the preferences of their fathers and husbands. These conversations reveal a reluctance to break from tradition, even when their votes affect women and certainly when their votes impact the lives of people who look like me.

The Illusion of Solidarity—Symbols Are Not Enough

On social media, I’m seeing White women posting pictures of blue bracelets to “prove” they didn’t vote for Trump. “The blue bracelets are something White women are wearing so others can see that they didn’t vote for Trump,” says Liberal Lisa from Oklahoma on X. Chile, bye. These bracelets are hollow symbols, empty gestures that mean nothing to me. An accessory to claim distance from Trump’s legacy is superficial comfort, while the choice to not stand with us in the voting booth is far more profound.

I’ve seen Black Lives Matter signs and black squares posted on Instagram to “prove” support for Black people, but we now know that was a lie, too. Will those same people who claimed Black lives mattered now take down their Harris-Walz signs and show their true selves?

Navigating these truths is a daily struggle for me—professionally and socially. White women often misuse their privilege, supporting us only when it’s convenient. Seeing overqualified Black women sabotaged or abandoned by White women at critical moments is a constant emotional challenge. It’s exhausting to live with this reality, especially when solidarity seems like something they pick up and discard at will.

One clever campaign ad from Harris-Walz that spoke directly to White women. “Your Vote, Your Choice” emphasized that their vote was private—independent of their household situation. Another was from Olivia Howell Dreizen, the “Vote Without Fear” campaign, which empowered women to consider the greater impact of their choices. But it seems many still couldn’t choose the roadmap to freedom—even when it was handed to them.

A Call for Action Beyond Words

White women, I want to believe you care, but actions speak louder than yard signs, bracelets, or Instagram posts. Show up in our communities, advocate in your workplaces, and stand up to dismantle the structures that uphold white supremacy. Only through real action will we know where you stand.

If you choose not to act, we see you—and we know exactly where you stand. Good luck these next four years.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of BlackPressUSA.com or the National Newspaper Publishers Association.

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Supernova Parenting Conference Empowers Over 100 Parents with Resources for Neurodivergence and Mental Health

The inaugural Supernova Parenting Conference was co-hosted by Natasha Nelson, known as Supernova Momma, and Yolanda Walker, founder of Parenting Decolonized. It brought together over 100 parents, caregivers, and educators dedicated to fostering understanding and support for neurodivergent children and mental health challenges. The conference provided invaluable resources, expert insights, and a collaborative space for […]

Published

1 week ago

November 7, 2024

BlackPressUSA.com

The event featured a variety of workshops, panel discussions, and keynote speeches from leading experts in neurodiversity and mental health. Attendees left with practical tools and strategies to enhance their parenting journeys, emphasizing the importance of understanding and supporting the unique needs of neurodivergent children.

“While the conference was a tremendous success, we believe that our work doesn’t end here,” said Natasha Nelson. “It’s crucial to continue providing ongoing support and resources for parents as they navigate this important journey. We want to ensure families can access the tools they need long after the conference.”

To extend the momentum generated at the conference, Natasha and Yolanda are excited to announce the launch of the Supernova Parenting Community. This membership-based initiative aims to offer a safe and supportive environment for parents and caregivers to continue their growth as conscious parents.

Membership is available for as little as $5 a month via Patreon, making it accessible for all families seeking support.

“We know that parenting can be a challenging journey, especially when navigating neurodivergence and mental health issues,” Yolanda Walker added. “Our goal is to build a community where parents feel seen, heard, and supported. We hope you’ll join us in this vital work.”

For more information about the Supernova Parenting Community and to sign up for membership, please visit supernovaparenting.org