By William A. Thomas, Ph.D.

In many African societies, the primary aim of socialization is to raise children to be socially responsible and eventually provide economic support to their parents and extended families. Ghanaian philosopher Kwame Gyekye taught that children are raised to be respectful of the wishes of their parents and extended adult family members.

In his book Developing Positive Self Images and Discipline in Black Children, Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu suggests that primary aims for socializing Black children should be: establishing goals related to God and the church; familiarizing children with religious texts like the Bible or Quran; educating them of Black culture like Khemetic (Egyptian) Civilization; enlightening them about Black leaders like Malcolm X and Sojourner Truth; and teaching them to strive to be employers, not employees.

Effective disciplinary strategies appropriate to a child’s age and development teach them to regulate their behavior; keep them from harm; enhance their cognitive, social, and emotional executive functioning skills; and reinforce the behavioral patterns taught by their parents and caregivers.

Below are some specific guidelines for disciplining children.

Listen to what children are talking about with interest and show them you understand their feelings. Remember, children mirror and learn about their emotional selves by hearing their feelings reflected back to them. Staying on target also means avoiding labels. When children fail to do what is expected, discussing it is helpful rather than saying how stubborn, lazy, dumb, or bad they are. By the same token, more positive labels can be helpful.

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Dependability is another essential component of the discipline process. When parents are dependable, their children learn what to expect and are helped to feel secure. When parents are consistent, children learn to trust, that is, predict their parents’ behaviors with certainty. A child thinks, “When I spill something, I will always be asked to wipe it up.” A child thinks, “If I use foul language, I will always be corrected.” A child thinks, “If I take something that doesn’t belong to me, I will always have to give it back.” The ability to predict with certainty leads children to rely on their parents and the village/community in which they live. Children feel safe when they know what to expect.

Conclusions

It takes a village/community to raise the divine gift that is the Black child. Parents look to therapists for guidance concerning a variety of parenting issues, including discipline. Keep in mind that evidence suggests that corporal punishment is both ineffective in the long term and associated with cognitive and mental health disorders. When parents want guidance about the use of spanking, a child therapist can explore parental feelings, help them better define the goals of discipline, and offer specific behavior management strategies. In addition to providing appropriate education to families, the Bay Area Association of Black Psychologists (Bay ABPsi) can refer them to community resources, like parenting groups and classes.

 About the Author

Dr. Thomas is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private practice in the SF/Oakland Bay Area and Beaumont. He is a member of Bay ABPsi, a healing resource committed to providing the Post Newspaper readership with monthly discussions about critical issues in Black Mental Health. Readers are welcome to join us at our monthly chapter meetings every 3^rd Saturday via Zoom and contact us at bayareaabpsi@gmail.com.

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By Stacey Finkel

This Mother’s Day, we honor not just the love between a mother and her child, but the shared dreams, grit, and determination that can make those dreams a reality. Regina, 44, and her son Judah, 18, are proof that purpose has no age limit—and that it’s never too late or too early to answer a calling. Regina knows what perseverance looks like. It took her ten years to earn her first college degree, an Associate Degree in Early Childhood from Ashworth College. Life, as it so often does, had other plans—plans that called her away from school and into the real world. But she never let go of her goals or her belief in the power of education. That steadfast commitment planted a seed not only for herself but for her son. Now, Regina and Judah are both enrolled in a scholarship program at the Early Childhood Innovation Center (ECIC), housed at Delaware State University (DSU) in Wilmington, Delaware’s only Historically Black College and University. This program allows them to study in any early childhood education-related degree program across the entire state of Delaware.  Regina attends Wilmington University, where she is pursuing her bachelor’s degree in Education Studies with a concentration in Early Childhood Education. Judah attends DSU and is pursuing his bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education. They are shoulder to shoulder, heart to heart—committed to equity, access, and the transformational power of teaching.

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There’s something uniquely beautiful about a mother and son learning at the same time, not just in life, but in the classroom. They study together, encourage each other, and even bring their academic lessons to life while working at Chosen Children’s Child Care in Wilmington, where they support the development of the next generation of learners. Their shared experiences, both as students and as educators, deepen their bond and strengthen their shared commitment to the children they serve. But what truly sets their story apart is the community surrounding them. The Early Childhood Innovation Center is more than a scholarship program. It’s a lifeline, a launchpad, and a promise: You can do this. The faculty and staff meet students where they are—whether they’re returning to school after a decade or stepping into college for the first time. Regina and Judah both credit ECIC with giving them the resources, mentorship, and belief they need to succeed. For Black families, and especially Black mothers, the road to higher education can be long and often filled with obstacles. But what Regina and Judah show us is that when one person refuses to give up, they can inspire an entire legacy. Education becomes not just a goal, but a family value passed down. “I used to feel like I was falling behind because it took me so long to finish,” Regina says. “But now I see that every step was preparing me for this moment—alongside my son, showing him and others that no matter how long it takes, you can finish. You just can’t give up.” This Mother’s Day, let’s celebrate mothers like Regina, who never stop striving, and sons like Judah, who walk beside them with pride. Let’s celebrate the power of Black institutions like DSU and innovative spaces like the Early Childhood Innovation Center that don’t just educate—they uplift.

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