Commentary
Miscarriage: An Unspoken Taboo
The holidays bring up a myriad of feelings. Amongst them are joy, anxiety, excitement, and loss. Many people reminisce and others dream about their wishes for self and others. During this time, many feel the loss or experience of missing a recently departed relative, parent or spouse. Some are overwhelmed with finding oneself and family now homeless for the first time. The one unspeakable source of sadness that is seldom openly talked about is miscarriage.
While the birth of a new child is often thought of as a returning of a relative or Ancestral spirit, miscarriage is surrounded by taboo and deep unstated meanings. Traditionally our lifestyles supported and honored our ability to talk to the “knowing and knowable” spirits of the yet-to-be-born, the living and those who dwell in the afterlife. This cultural practice helped, in unexplained ways, to experience uninterrupted pregnancies or miscarriage. However, it has now become especially difficult to talk about miscarriage amongst Black women. I, however, can guarantee you a Black woman is struggling with loss due to miscarriage this holiday season. I speak so factually because of my personal experience.
Before God blessed my husband and I with our blessing of joy, I suffered 3 miscarriages. So, I know first-hand the impact a miscarriage can have on the mental health of a Black woman. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I also know that miscarriage mentally hits Black women much harder than other women. African-American women are two times more likely to have a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death when compared to white women. Socioeconomic status does not influence these results. There is no clear reason why Black women experience miscarriages more often than white women, but research hints to the racial trauma we experience.
Sadly, these higher levels of pregnancy loss add to the already higher rates of depression and anxiety Black women face. Additionally, there are not many programs offering support specifically geared to women who have experienced miscarriages. This lack of support creates feelings of loneliness and isolation, which for a Black woman can increase her potential for depression. Why? Because we are disconnected from our traditional cultural moorings resulting in our often feeling alone and isolated in our daily experiences of being Black. Lack of support for pregnancy loss causes feelings of isolation and intensifies loneliness.
As a mental health specialist, I believe the best way to support Black women experiencing miscarriages is to first invite them to talk with trusted family and friends and to seek counseling from African centered trained therapists. During this painful time, I believe we need to recognize and do the following:
#1 – Black women need to be held after experiencing a miscarriage.
We may say we don’t; we may even push you away. But we need to be held during this time of loss. Not just in the initial moments and days after losing a baby, we also needto be held weeks, months, and even years after our losses. Keep in mind that holding doesn’t always mean a physical hold. Sometimes Black women need to be held emotionally. Our emotions may not always be pretty. They may be loud, bold, or akin to a quiet storm. But our emotions are true to us however they show up! Make sure to hold and support the Black women in your lives who have experienced pregnancy loss…it matters.
#2 – Experiencing a miscarriage is not a “keep it together” situation.
If you don’t remember anything else from this article, remember this: MISCARRIAGE IS NOT A “KEEP IT TOGETHER” SITUATION!!! The loss of a pregnancy, a child, is traumatic, regardless of the stage of pregnancy a woman was in. Black women are prone to experience this trauma more intensely because of all the hats we wear and how we are forced to move through society. On a deeper level, many of our ancestors lost babies during the middle passage, during slavery, and during the fight for civil rights. Losing babies hits our wombs inter-generationally and trauma is etched into our psyche. Be careful not to encourage a Black woman who has lost a child to hold it together. Be cautious of the common language used “It will be okay”;”Just keep praying”; or “In due time.” These phrases mean well, and may even be true, but they also endorse the idea that Black women should move on because we are praying and/or believing that things will be okay. They endorse the need to always be strong and hold it together. But, when we allow ourselves to NOT keep it together, true and authentic healing can happen. It is important to allow a Black woman to process the grief felt with pregnancy loss. This brings me to my final point.
#3 – Expressive healing is what a Black woman needs after a miscarriage.
We need different forms of expression. We don’t always need to talk. Sometimes we just need to be in the presence of like-minded people. We sometimes need to be in the presence of people who express things cathartically, creating peace and positive energy. This can be through music, dancing, church, poetry, amd many other healing forms of expression. Often it is these deeper forms of expression, not related to our verbal abilities that allow a Black woman to not forget the hurt of losing a baby, but rather cope with it in healthy ways.
I pray that my story will help others think of the many untold stories of pregnancy loss. And if you are reading this, and still waiting on your blessing, I say to you I see you Sista: your pain is valid, your emotions are justified, and you are not alone.
The Association of Black Psychologists, Bay Area Chapter (ABPsi-Bay Area) is committed to providing the Post Newspaper readership with monthly discussions about critical issues in Black mental health. The ABPsi-Bay Area is a healing resource. We can be contacted at (bayareaabpsi@gmail.com) and readers are welcome to join us at our monthly chapter meeting, every third Saturday at the West Oakland Youth Center from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.
Activism
Oakland Post: Week of January 1 – 7, 2025
The printed Weekly Edition of the Oakland Post: Week of January 1 – 7, 2025
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Activism
Racially Motivated Violence Against Black Teen Prompts $10 Million Claim Against LAUSD
In December, a second altercation, on a video shared with news media, showed 4 to 6 boys attacking a Black student and using racial slurs. The video also shows a person in a safety vest trying to stop the fight and telling them to “handle it after school.” Then, the video ends.
By Solomon O. Smith, California Black Media
A distraught mother and her legal team announced a $10 million lawsuit against the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) on Dec. 16, alleging that her son was the target of bullying because of his race.
“CS DOE is a 14-year-old African American student at Verdugo High School. He is a Ninth Grader,” reads a statement the plaintiff’s attorneys shared with California Black Media (CBM).
“Almost from the first day of class (in August 2024), CS DOE was targeted by Latino students who called him racial slurs, physically attacked him and threatened to stab him.”
The family’s identity has not yet been released to the public due to safety concerns, according to their attorneys Bradley C. Gage and Caree Harper. The student’s mother is identified only as A.O. in the complaint.
The first video, filmed in August, showed several non-Black students punching and kicking a Black student in a bathroom on campus while yelling racial slurs. The mother claims that the students who attacked her son were not punished, and the administration asked her to move her son to another school for his safety.
“They wanted him to leave the school without giving any disciplinary action towards those students,” said the student’s mother. “He’s not going anywhere. He’s going to finish. I wanted him to at least stay until the December winter break, and then I was going to transfer schools for him.”
Before she could enroll her son in a different school the attacks escalated.
In December, a second altercation, on a video shared with news media, showed 4 to 6 boys attacking a Black student and using racial slurs. The video also shows a person in a safety vest trying to stop the fight and telling them to “handle it after school.” Then, the video ends.
CS DOE, a 14-year-old freshman, left the school but was followed by a car, according to Gage. Several individuals exited the vehicle, one with a “large butcher knife.” A fight ensued and two people were stabbed. The Black student was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon but was later released into his mother’s custody.
The high school freshmen is scheduled to appear in juvenile court on Feb. 1, but Harper says she will reach out to the District Attorney and make the case against charging the young man.
“His mama had to go find him because he was hiding and fleeing for his very life,” said Harper.
According to the boy’s mother, the young student is still traumatized and has not been able to return to the area because it remains unsafe. Racial slurs have also been spray painted on their home.
“I’m sad. I’m devastated, you know,” said the mother. “I still feel like they’re after him. I still feel like they can kill him, possibly.”
The LAUSD and principal of Verdugo High School did not respond to CBM’s requests for comment.
If you are – or someone you know is – has experienced a hate crime or hate incident, please visit CAvsHate.org for more information and to find out what you can do about it.
Activism
2024 In Review: 7 Questions for the California Association of Black School Educators
CABSE members represent governmental agencies, charter schools and charter school organizations, public school districts, traditional public schools, and community colleges. The organization’s primary goal is to expand PK-14 educational opportunities for all students in California, with an emphasis on under-represented and under-served Black students.
By Edward Henderson, California Black Media
The California Association of Black School Educators (CABSE) is an organization consisting of elected and appointed school officials, administrators and instructors from across California who are committed to advancing equity for Black students.
CABSE members represent governmental agencies, charter schools and charter school organizations, public school districts, traditional public schools, and community colleges.
The organization’s primary goal is to expand PK-14 educational opportunities for all students in California, with an emphasis on under-represented and under-served Black students.
California Black Media (CBM) spoke with CABSE President Satra Zurita and Conference Chair Micah Ali about this year’s successes, disappointments, and plans for the organization coming into the new year.
Looking back at 2024, what stands out to you as your most important achievement and why?
Ali: I would have to say that two highlights have been the ongoing support of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Engie, and other sponsors that have enabled us to bring together like-minded education leaders twice a year to collectively advance innovative and meaningful strategies to achieve change on behalf of Black students across our state.
How did your leadership and investments contribute to improving the lives of Black Californians?
Zurita: CABSE’s leadership and investment in improving the education system for Black students in our great state has resulted in a long-standing focus on transforming public education and its response to Black students. By pulling from the very wisdom of those educators and leaders who care deeply about Black students and who are showing great promise through their efforts.
What frustrated you the most over the last year?
Zurita: Continuing to see the deep impact of COVID-19 Pandemic school site closures on students academically and emotionally — especially Black students. This makes our work and our advocacy more vital than ever.
CBM: What inspired you the most over the last year?
Zurita: Seeing our CABSE convenings grow in depth and breadth — our strategies, powerful content and reach.
What is one lesson you learned in 2024 that will inform your decision-making next year?
Ali: Our Blueprint for Education Equity is a crowd-sourced framework of strategies that have shown great promise for improving the education experiences and opportunities for Black students. In 2024, we developed an equity self-assessment tool for districts to use in evaluating their own efforts on behalf of Black students. Strategies are helping Black students.
In one word, what is the biggest challenge Black Californians face?
Zurita: Many Black students across our state are dealing with a host of challenges: homelessness, food insecurity, exposure to violence, not to mention bias remains a pervasive problem. To add to the challenge, educators are worn out, tired, and frustrated. We now need to think about how we can simultaneously inspire and empower students and educators alike. The system needs an overhaul.
What is the goal you want to achieve most in 2025?
Zurita: In 2025, we hope to stand CABSE up as a fully functioning non-profit organization engaged in research and policy design.
Ali: We also aim to deepen the content of our convenings, including adding a Math Track and what we are calling Social Determinants of Education Track to our annual conference and institute, which will address those social contexts that prevent Black students from realizing their potential as students.
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